Meh

the broken doll

I'm sorry that my depression seems to have an effect on you, when I'm not even talking about it.It's not like would you know what I'm like not depressed, since you didn't know me before, which is a time I don't remember. Not like it matters anyways. You didn't see me. I was just a shadow, always have been. Invisible until things get heated and then you use me. Use me to blow off steam and leave me when the light sweeps me away. And I just stayed. Waiting for someone to talk to, but no one listened.Few would even hear, but still they did not understand what it meant or seeing passed the shield that was flung up in fear, from passed experiences.

I'm sorry that I can't forget or let go of things that you weren't around for. That once it had happened, will and always haunt me. The things that happened when I was little, altering my reactions as well as my personality forever. For my reluctance to say or do anything about problems,where it got to the extent that I could no longer understand what I myself was feeling.

 Those events that happened slowly drained me. I began to lose my emotions. One by one they left.My face a blank slate, trying to fake the emotions that I no longer felt. As time went on no one questioned me. I had made them believing me. Or at least, until, I figured what I was to you. It was like I felt close, but I thought you would return the courtesy of being someone who was there and would at least just listen. Not that I would talk about real problems. It was just the niceness of not feeling completely alone. When I figured out I was a shadow, not just to some but all, I shattered. My shield broke and crumbled away,leaving the empty doll behind.