Even If You Cross My Mind » CAMREN

Chapter 01

[Lauren's POV]

"Camz! CAMILA! Stop, come on!"

I hurried off stage and down the hallway after her, but her pace was too quick and flustered. We were both in our blue sequined costumes for the Reflection Tour, loudly stamping down the hall in our heeled shoes. This was not supposed to happen. Hell, I still had my microphone in my hand. We flew past several crew members, including Todd - the AD - who appeared to be confused and panicked seeing us off stage.

"Would you please just talk to me?!" I yelled after her as Todd held out his arm to intercept me from storming off.

"Whoa, uh... ladies, hi! Is there something wrong? Your mics working? You still have 20 minutes left of your set."

"Uh, yeah, just... Could you give us a minute? CAMZ!" she kept flying down the hallway, ignoring me, and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands. Caught between a pissed off Camila and the AD, I peeled his arm off me and was met with a frantic look. I ignored Todd and barreled down the hallway in my heels after my bandmate.

"I think we need to get you back out there - Is she feeling well? Hey! Guys, hold on!" he shouted after me as I kept running for Camila.

"Melissa, do we have eyes on the stage? What's going on?" he yelled into his headset, "No, 2 of them are backstage headed for the dressing rooms, just... somebody tell the girls to improvise and chat up the crowd. - No, I don't know what the hell is going on. Just tell them to stall! LAUREN!"

I managed to catch up with Camila, grabbing her by the wrist.

"Let go of me!" at the doorway of our dressing room, she whipped around at me and ripped her wrist out of my grasp; she was red in the face with tears welling up in her eyes. The hurt that overcame her face had a profound impact on me. I hated seeing her cry, but I knew deep down this was a long time coming.

"Camila... we have to go back out there," I said, trying to catch my breath. I ran my fingers through my hair, which was dampened by a film of sweat.

"I really don't want to do this with you right now. Please don't force me to talk about this, I'm begging you," she frantically pleaded while wiping away a tear that heavily streamed down her cheek. She looked so very desperate to escape, and I couldn't have felt more helpless.

"Camz, I don't know what the hell happened back there... what was that?" I calmly asked her, trying my hardest to come off as soft and understanding as possible. Just work through your frustration. This could be so much worse. I keep telling myself that, but at this point, we both fucked up - ROYALLY fucked up - and nobody knows what to do.

-

We were in the middle of singing "Who Are You" and my chair was next to Camila's this time for our Orlando show. The song was always especially emotional for me - and for Camila, too, as far as I could tell. We both had our reasons, but we never talked about them. I think tonight was the point where we boiled over.

As Camila sang her second bridge of "Either you want me, or you don't. I need to know", tears were visibly streaming down her face. Her voice even cracked at the end of her line. I just remember the four of us were all staring at her, completely taken aback and worried. Normani was leaning over to tenderly place a hand on Camila's thigh in an effort to console her. This was an especially draining leg of our tour, as we were back to back in 6 cities; surely the girls just assumed Camila was experiencing emotional overflow. This rendition of our song was so dense with emotion and intensity, that it almost made everyone uncomfortable. As soon as Dinah started singing the chorus, we all sang along except for Camila, who was trying with all her might to compose herself and stifle her tears - but she just couldn't. I pulled my mic away from my face and softly leaned over to meet her gaze. She looked up at me with those tender, soulful brown eyes that always had a hint of melancholy in them. Staring into those eyes made my heart beat out of my chest. When our eyes met, our gaze lingered on each other for what seemed like several long moments – long enough to where Dinah noticed and looked at us, completely bewildered, while singing. Nothing broke our eye contact, and I noticed that the crowd suddenly, eerily grew quiet. I tenderly grabbed her hand that was dangling at her side between us; Camila and I held each other's hands while sharing an incredibly intimate gaze. We both stopped singing. While our other 3 bandmates continued the song without us, I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. The arena felt quiet and hollow. My chest was expanding and I couldn't catch my breath. I was just looking at her, and I felt like she was allowing me to peer into her heart. Something in me was motivated to react to her. Not breaking our gaze, I inched my face closer to hers where our lips were just inches apart. I suddenly startled myself after seeing Camila inhale deeply, seeming like she was about to kiss me. In front of thousands of people.