Even If You Cross My Mind » CAMREN

Chapter 6 - In my Bed

**Trigger Warning: Drugs.

[Camila POV]

Our video premiere in New York was a huge success, and there was something about being in the larger-than-life city surrounded by screaming fans and flashing cameras that felt more surreal than usual. It felt like I was living inside my brain as a little girl, watching my dreams play out like a movie. Whenever I had a moment to sit down and really think about it, the gratitude overwhelmed me. This usually happened in quiet moments when I could actually hear myself think: in the shower, eating breakfast alone, or sitting in bed at night listening to music until I fell asleep.

After lingering for a few days in the big apple, we moved from coast to coast and landed ourselves back in LA - a place that had sort of become our second home by now. We'd be performing at LA Pride alongside Ke$ha and Wilson Phillips, which meant a hell of a lot to us.

After the gut-wrenching conversation Lauren and I had in New York, it took me several days to bounce back and act even remotely human again. We avoided any chance of another emotional run-in with each other and kept our contact strictly superficial for as long as we could stand it.

Though we both clearly missed our shared closeness, there was a silent agreement that things couldn't so easily return to how they were. We found our rhythm with surface banter and made sure to not sit next to each other in interviews - business as usual.

The emerald-eyed girl was usually stuck in her head, but I'd noticed she'd become significantly more withdrawn from the group. She would immediately peace out to her room after every show and interview, and honestly, she always looked so exhausted. Our makeup artist made a point to comment on the dark circles under her eyes, which she shrugged off. Barry was very quick to send her on rest more frequently between rehearsals. Something was off with her, but nobody really bothered to pry.

We were in our tent prepping for our set at LA Pride, and we all felt a little more excited and anxious than usual. The LGBT community had always been so supportive of our music and they always turned out the hardest for us, so we felt the pressure to really make them proud. I personally felt I owed the world to them, and I was happy to give as much of it as I could. It was sort of like a homecoming show for us. Decked out in our proudest, brightest colors, we were beyond ready.

It was a goddamn incredible show. The LA Pride crowd had the most positive vibe, and we fed off of it instantly.

When it came to our final song of the night, "Worth It" - a crowd favorite, and one of the most fun songs to perform live - there was an electricity that filled the air. It was one of our most high-energy shows for one of our best audiences.

PERFORMANCE: https://youtu.be/o7AlXl_PbJQ?t=8s

Shortly after, we changed into street clothes (allowing us to blend in), and ventured out to party a little in the famed Gayborhood of West Hollywood. The five of us made our way over to our favorite low-key joint on the otherwise electric and crowded Santa Monica Boulevard: Saint Felix. It was usually chill and they were lowkey laid back about us being underage, but since it was Pride, our favorite bar was especially loud and swarming with rainbow-clad people.

Normani, Dinah, Ally, and I spent most of our time dancing, and Lauren was standing at the bar flirting up a storm with all kinds of people. Watching her was starting to bother me - like an itch I couldn't reach - so I tried my best to keep my back to her.

The crowd began to cheer as they flooded the empty space to dance along to the song that began playing; "In My Bed" by Amy Winehouse. As I heard the infamous songbird's voice, I realized her words couldn't have been more annoyingly accurate to the turmoil that had been swimming around in my head for the past week.