Your Call

Dylan sighed. He was late. Again. He had promised this time that he would be there. Dylan had set everything up hours beforehand, so excited that they would actually have time to spend together after being apart for so long. He had prepared dinner, cleaned the small apartment twice, lit the candles that were now dripping wax onto the carpet, and called him over twenty times by now. They had agreed, made plans to be there at six, and both had cleared their schedules for the date. And after glancing at the clock for the nth time that night, Dylan noted it was exactly eight twenty-four. Over two hours late.

Running a hand through his dusty brown hair, Dylan took a seat on the sofa in the living room, which was right across from their tiny kitchen. He let out a ragged breath as he stared at the table, decorated with candles and roses and everything exactly in place...except for the couple. He felt so...empty, seeing the plates he had made up still completely the same, still full with food that he had made sure to prepare in such a precise manner, hoping to please and surprise his lover, yet resting on the table untouched. It wasn't like the feeling was new to him - this happened all the time, but just this once, Dylan had hoped it would be different. He just wanted to feel connected again, to feel like he meant something to the other, to feel...loved. He didn't think that it was too much to ask for, considering...

Again, Dylan tried calling. He didn't really expect an answer, but he tried to keep his hopes up. He couldn't let them shatter. Not again. Not after...

"Hello, this is Tyler. I'm not available right now, but I'll get back to y-"

Dylan hung up and threw his phone across the room, hoping it would break so he wouldn't have to hear that stupid voicemail again. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, hoping to somehow stop the tremors in his chest that just begun to wrack his body. He could feel a burning behind his eyes, and he willed himself not to give in.

It's okay, he probably just got caught up at work again and can't answer his phone. It's not like that hasn't happened before...I'm sure Tyler will call when he can. Maybe he ran into his boss and had to cover another shift or something...they are short staffed right now anyway. But why wouldn't he call me?

Dylan drew his hands into tight fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. He didn't understand. Was he not important anymore? It seemed every time that the two would plan something, Tyler would have an excuse for not showing up. Dylan tried so hard to be lenient, to understand why Tyler couldn't make it, but it was so tiring. It was so lonely by himself. He hated how forgiving he was, how much effort he gave even after all his failed attempts, how much he lied to himself in order to please Tyler. He just wanted things to work...and he was losing the last of his hope. He didn't think it was so unreasonable to ask for a date night once a month...they barely got to see each other at the apartment anyway. Dylan always worked during the day while Tyler had night shifts, and would go out drinking with his friends whenever he was off. The two were lucky if they even spent half an hour together.

It hadn't always been this way. The two had been best friends in high school, inseparable for any cause. Even when they went to college, Dylan could always count on a phone call or surprise visit from his boyfriend. But now...something had changed. Dylan didn't know what caused the rift between them, nor did he dare to upset Tyler by asking, so he was left to speculate and worry on his own. And his mind was never kind to him when thinking up scenarios. Nor was it stable enough to worry about such things without causing harm.

Dylan had always suffered from depression and severe anxiety since his parents were killed right in front of him when he was twelve. He was constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios for every conflict and scaring himself into a horrifying panic. This past year with Tyler beginning to ignore him had just set his brain into overdrive, continuously worrying and panicking about every little detail, trying to make everything perfect again just to make Tyler happier. He criticized himself more than he usually did, and would always find something wrong with him to explain why Tyler wouldn't want to be around him. Dylan could feel the stress eating him alive. He could never sleep at night, too worried about Tyler coming home (or not coming home), resulting in him passing out at work on more than one occasion. Not wanting to bother his co-workers with his personal problems, he also refused the days off he was offered and instead picked up more shifts, feeling as if he needed to make up for passing out on the job. He didn't want to be a burden on them...and work was a welcome distraction from his thoughts.