Color

Crush

IDC if you spell it colour or color like bruh just whatever
Ok I just wanted to say that.
I accept any criticism that can help me out. You can point out mistakes or tell me if I start getting too boring.

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I'm okay looking. I know I'm not ugly but I don't have every single girl falling in love with me at love at first sight. Most girls (and guys) think I look too feminine, and some girls (and some guys) like that and some don't. It's all in the matter of taste. I'm not the most manly, beefy, muscular kid. Actually, none of those words can describe me at all but I've had girls (and boys) confess to me before.
I've had a girlfriend before junior high. I've only ever had one girlfriend but I understand females really well because of her. TBH, I'm not actually sure if we were officially dating but everyone knew about us. Everyone could see we liked each other. We didn't really know when it started but we happened. I guess we just didn't know when we became an official couple. I remember how important this was to others but Gale and I didn't have a care in the world whether or not we were called a thing or not because we knew we couldn't live without  each other. And that's all the confirmation we needed even though now that I say that, it seems super ironic because well, I'll tell you about my ex later. You'll understand soon enough.
I have this thing, it's almost like a superpower. I know if a girl will fall in love with me the moment I meet her. I didn't have it when I met Gale, because I kinda got this trick only after I lost her. I don't know how I know. It's not from observation or anything (because I can't always tell if someone is going to fall for someone other than me). It's a feeling from the gut.
I know the girl would crush on me and I take an effort to make her fall in love with me. Give subtle but cute hints that will make her fall for me. And the moment she confesses, I would turn her down.
It felt good to break their hearts. I felt powerful. I pretended that I want them but then tell them no. It just felt so good to give them hope and happiness but then crush it, the way I crushed their hearts. I liked the attention and I felt like commitment was boring.
Everyone thinks I say no because I had high standards because I would compare them to Gale, and well, Gale was kinda like perfect. If they knew me longer, they'd think I just couldn't get over my first girlfriend. A small amount of people just see me as an f boy which is almost true but technically I've never really said I loved them or went on dates or whatever kind of couple things. Girls didn't have the evidence of me leading them on. I've never actually done anything like that so technically the girl is just jumping to conclusions that I love her, right?
My closest friends ended up hating me. They knew me too well. I mean, Adri forgave me mainly because she's not the type to get angry. I low key wished she was mad because she's probably the one that got most affected by my actions.
But whatever. However you think, hate me yet?

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I  miss you.