SugaMon - bedazzled

04

Word count : 1429 words
Trigger warning : mental disorder, self harm and blood mention

Title :
04. I'm sorry you saw me shaking
(but stay with me for a day)

-

A few weeks after meeting Yoongi, Namjoon learnt that yoongi had lied to him multiple times. He was almost never okay during their late night chats though yoongi had always claim so. The elder was actually suffering nocturnal panic attacks*.

Namjoon would've forever lived in the lies that his hyung was fine every night, not until that one day when namjoon decided to visit yoongi's dorm as he happened to be around the area.

god must've wanted namjoon to know. yoongi's door was unlocked and weirdly, namjoon didn't knock the door like he always does, instead he just barged into yoongi's room. he never expected to see blood covered yoongi that day.

yoongi was shiverring badly with a knife in his hand, the worst part was his thighs, it was covered by cuts which he made by his own. yoongi looked at namjoon with tears in his eyes - lips trembling as if the room was surrounded by nothing but ices.

"help me.." his whisper was almost inaudible. he released the knife he was holding , it fell to the ground - blood splattering everywhere as the metal clang loudly.

Namjoon didn't  waste his time on helping the other. He just cleaned the wound, treated it and calmed yoongi down. Not even a question was asked.

He knew comfort was what the smaller boy needed right now, he knew the boy needed some reassurance.

He told namjoon that he was scared that he might be dropped out of college for not completing his final term assignments. He said that he wasn't really sure on how to do it and even if he do it, the possibility of him failing it are big,it would be a waste. The saddest part was when he tried seeking for his classmates help, none cared about it; they all gave him ugly excuses.

Hearing it made namjoon mad, his anger was raging inside. How can a person be so inconsiderate towards another?
namjoon managed to hold his anger though, him getting mad wouldn't be a good thing in this situation so he remained calm.
"Why didn't you call me though? You knew I could help!" Namjoon slightly raised his voice, it was not out of anger. No. But it was for the very reason of the guilt he is feeling now; for not being there when yoongi needed him the most. yoongi in the other hand was terrified by the tone namjoon gave him.

"You said you had to meet some friends and do some work at their studio tonight.. I didn't want to bother you"
Yoongi looks down. If namjoon was asked to picture it, yoongi looks like a 5-years old getting scold by their parents for something that they didn't do,
The sight was pitiful and kim namjoon was just pathetic.

"sorry" he sighs and lightly patted Yoongi's shoulder. "show me the assignment, I'll help you"
but yoongi didn't answer, he stilled himself and remained quiet.
Another pang of guilt slaps namjoon right in his face.
good, now he had made the elder even more upset than he originally was.

Namjoon roamed around the place and found the other's laptop. Papers were scattered all around it and namjoon bet his life that this is the assignment yoongi told him about.  "Is it this one hyung?"

Yoongi averted his gaze to namjoon and nodded weakly to the other. Namjoon sat down and started researching about the papers and luckily, he took the same subject so he was able to help. He didn't even ask for Yoongi's approval when he started typing out the assignment on yoongi's laptop. He was too into the work he is doing that he didn't even realized that yoongi had moved from his spot and went to the kitchen, not until a soft sound of a mug colliding against the table was heard. He looked at the side and found a cup of iced americano was there and namjoon looked up to yoongi with a wide grin. "thank you hyung!"
he sipped on the drink and as what he expected, the coffee that yoongi made always tasted different. Namjoon had always wondered what was yoongi's secret recipe that made the drink tastes better than it already is.

"joon-ah, you dont really have to do it if you dont want to y'know?" yoongi took a seat beside namjoon as he looked at the younger with full of concern, he really didn't want to burden the other nor take advantages on namjoon's smart brain.

"its okay hyung, this is what friends are for" namjoon answered and yoongi swore his heart melted by the polite smile kim namjoon gave him. Yoongi can sense the latter's sincerity by how his words rolled off his tongue.
The next hour, yoongi sat there and gave namjoon the ideas he had; it is nothing to be compared with namjoon's but the younger reinterpret  Yoongi's idea and made it sound as interesting as his own.

Weird thing is, yoongi had just noticed that namjoon was wearing a pair of glasses when they both accidentally stared at each other for awhile, yoongi was inspecting namjoon's face with the glasses and namjoon must've noticed it. "I'm long-sighted"

Yoongi just chuckled and nodded. "Was I that obvious?"
"Yeah. You're looking at my face as if my nose had disappeared" namjoon scrunches his nose before pointing something that was behind the elder. "Hyung look!!"

and yoongi immediately shoot his glance at his back, only to find nothing
but when he turned his gaze back to where it originally was,
there is namjoon, wearing his glasses upside down, giving yoongi a smile; a smile that was so wide that the corner of his lips looks like it touched his ear which caused his eyes to form an eyesmile.

"You're so silly"
It really was silly but yoongi couldn't help but to laugh at the scene.

"well if being silly would make you smile, then I'll be the silliest out of the silliest person alive!" he answered as he wore his glasses properly and patted Yoongi's cheek gently. "I really love it to see you smile" he said slowly, it sounded like a confession and Yoongi felt so grateful that he had this boy in his life.

He placed his hand on namjoon's thigh and gently patted it, "thank you for everything"
Namjoon just replied with a nod and went back to the work and yoongi continued giving namjoon whatever that was on his head that could help. His hands, it was still on namjoon's thigh and as time passes by yoongi started to feel sleepy.
he was never a person who sleeps early but maybe from the loss of blood he had just now made his body weak; shutting down the systems in his body temporarily.
the next thing namjoon felt was Yoongi's head on his shoulder before soft breathes was heard. he turned his head and saw the boy was sleeping, the other hand that wasn't on namjoon's thigh was placed under his own shirt; maybe he was cold.

namjoon saved the work he had typed and carefully carried the elder to his bed, he placed yoongi down gently — not wanting to wake him up. he then covered the small body with a blanket, making sure to cover him entirely so that he won't feel cold.
namjoon gave yoongi a smile and a soft "goodnight" before walking off to continue his work while sipping on the iced americano that yoongi had left for him.

-

the next day yoongi woke up, it was already 12pm which means he was 2 hours late for his class where he was supposed to pass up the assignments — he totally freaked out.

but then a yellow post-it note that was on the screen of his phone caught his attention, a smile spread on his face as he read the words written on it.

dont worry! I''ll pass the assignment to your lecturer.
rest a lot and take care of yourself, ill bring you foods at 2!
-namjoon

he pulled the post-it off his phone and it left a sticky glue mark on his screen protecter. instead of getting pissed, he just chuckled.

kim namjoon is silly,
a silly boy that I want to spend my whole life with.

-

*Nighttime (nocturnal) panic attacks can occur with no obvious trigger and awaken you from sleep. As with a daytime panic attack, you may experience sweating, rapid heart rate, trembling, shortness of breath, heavy breathing (hyperventilation), flushing or chills, and a sense of impending doom.