SugaMon - bedazzled

03

Word count : 972 words
Trigger warning : self-harming and blood mention.
Title :
03. I'm sorry you saw me breaking
(but stay with me don't stray)

-

A few weeks after meeting namjoon, yoongi learnt that namjoon had an anger management problem.

though he would hit anything around him, he never hurt any other soul and even if there is, it is his own.

yoongi had witnessed namjoon punching his wall, his door and broke a few things around his apartment with his bare fist. Yoongi was heading into namjoon's home and while he was passing namjoon's window he accidentally saw the situation.

That day, he learnt that the tough namjoon, the runch randa who spits fire on stage — was actually a sensitive little boy who easily gets hurt by anything, even something that's not worth crying for. Namjoon had plead the elder to stay with him because he said he was scared that the elder would leave him behind  like how hoseok did.

Hoseok, jung hoseok was the reason namjoon was acting that way on the day. The other boy managed to hook up with a boy and had totally forgotten about namjoon. Namjoon told yoongi that hoseok even told him to stop annoying him.

though he said he hated hoseok by now, yoongi knew all namjoon wanted was for the other to come back to him.

He hurt his knuckles that day, yoongi saw him silently hissing in pain once awhile but he didn't tell the truth whenever yoongi asked him. He said he was physically fine. He said that it doesn't matter even if he was hurt. he told yoongi that all he wanted was to be happy.

"and if leaving me would make him happy, then don't you think i should be happy for him for being doing so and achieve his happiness? even without me?" Namjoon smiles bitterly and those words staked through yoongi's heart.

he wiped his tears as a dry chuckle came out of his lips. "ah i am too selfish to hate him. he just wanted to be happy too, right hyung?"

"i felt sorry for him because he had to deal with my annoyingness all this time. i felt so sorry that he wasn't happy because of me" Namjoon bit his lower lip a little bit too hard that it bled. The red fluid stained his sleeves. all yoongi could do was to hug the other whose body was trembling so hard as he held his sobs.

Why would someone do this to this boy?

That night, namjoon cried to sleep while yoongi was comforting him and it was the first time after almost 8 years that yoongi was cuddling with someone once again. Yoongi stayed up to make sure that namjoon slept first. he looked down at the boy's sleeping feature.
The way his bleached locks scattered all over his forehead was cute.. His lips were slightly parted; producing some snoring sounds while his eyes were fluttered close. He must've been really tired until he looked so soft, so fragile. Or perhaps, kim namjoon was fragile.

namjoon-ah, hyung will stay by your side forever.

-

After what've happened, yoongi started noticing the behavior change in namjoon. His once playful, silly self weren't there anymore.
The all-smiley namjoon had disappeared into thin air. For the whole week, namjoon had been eerily cold to everyone. Except yoongi.

Yoongi was glad that the younger still managed to give him smiles even in his deepest despair but still, the boy who used to be really cheerful; the one who made silly jokes just to make a person laugh had changed into something that yoongi had never imagined to.

Somehow, it just hurts yoongi to see the latter torturing himself by that way.
yoongi knows, he just knew that namjoon wasn't like that.
Kim namjoon was not being himself.

Yoongi didn't say nor brought up what he thought towards namjoon directly, instead he started to change namjoon. It was hard at first because the younger kept on holding himself in.

It was September the 3rd when yoongi had asked namjoon to have a small picnic with him.

They were talking about something, about the nature if yoongi recalled it correctly, he remembered that the topic gave him the chance of saying something that he wanted though.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. If someone love you, care for you, they wouldn't want you to change joon-ah. You are the best for what you are and they appreciate for whoever you are. You shouldn't change yourself to fit in their expectations."
Namjoon took a sip of his iced americano(something in namjoon that still haven't changed) as he listened to yoongi. The boy just shrugged his shoulder and gave yoongi a short answer — the answer yoongi expected him to say.
oh well, thank god.

"I wanted to be better though.."

"Changing to a better person doesn't mean you have to be what hoseok wanted you to be."
Want it or not, yoongi just had to mention the other's name. The name of the person who had made namjoon's life miserable, the name that caused namjoon's eyes started to be glassy; his tears welled in his eyes when he looked at yoongi. "But.."
Yoongi raised his brow — waiting for namjoon to blurt out his reasons on not thinking the same way as his but instead of words of wisdom, namjoon let out a long sigh. "Right."

"For whoever you are, I, min yoongi will accept it and love it to the fullest" a polite smile was given by yoongi, those words are not meant to just comfort namjoon in his insecurities but instead, yoongi really meant it.

Tears that was welling in namjoon's eyes finally fell off his cheeks but yoongi knew it damn well that the boy wasn't crying out of sadness nor happiness.
Kim namjoon is a person who appreciates thing, even the smallest bit of kindness and beautiful truth.
-

a/n: may be updating a few chapters today since it namjoon's birthday!
let's just say this is one of my way on celebrating MONday.
do comment and vote this story, it'll make me update faster :p