King of Spades |Book 1|

Chapter 29 • Breaks Me

•Rayan's POV•

I slam the door as hard as I can to emphasize how pissed off I truly am. I jog across my lawn, trying to get to my house before he gets to me, but it's no use, his hand is already around my wrist, pulling me back.

"Will you listen to me!" He shouts as he spins me around. I take my other hand an push him back, but he grabs that wrist too an pins them both to my side.

"You have no idea what it's like for me. I am the one who has to live with knowing I've killed and hurt people, not you. So when I ask you to stop an listen I want you to stop and listen," he says in now a hushed tone.

"I'm not mad that you did that, I'm mad that you hadn't told me before," I retort back. He tightens his hold on my wrist, indicating he's not letting me go without a fight first.

"When I was 7 I witnessed my first murder. When I was 11 I beat a man with a crowbar. When I was 14 I was sent to JUV for a year. When I was 17 I had to see my sister get shot in the stomach by our own father because Talus couldn't protect her. Now I'm 19, an I had to witness someone I care about so much get brutally beaten because someone's out to hurt me."

I go to speak but he cuts me off. "Now, in this second, right here, right now, I'm witnessing that same person start to hate me, and it seems like the worst thing I've had to endure my entire life."

"You can't expect me to tell you everything. I can't tell you everything because I don't want that to change the way you see me. So I choose to protect you from all I am, can you just understand that?"

I hadn't realized I was crying until the tear falls from my eye. His grip has loosened, an his hands are now holding mine. I look up at him, bending my head back because of our proximity, and I see the anguish in his chestnut eyes. I can see all the pain in his 19 years of living right in those eyes.

It breaks me. His hurting breaks me. It makes me see that instead of running from his problems, I need to face them with him.

I want to kiss him. That's the thought that runs through my mind. But I can't. It doesn't seem like the right time. I want our first kiss to be because we want to, not for the heat of the moment. I want it to mean something.

Right now, I see how much Salem means to me. We've fought a lot, kept secrets, and told stupid lies, but I can't bring myself to hate him. I want to hate him, but that's something I cannot do. All the feelings I have for him hit me all at once. I finally know how I feel.

Maybe Sasha was right. I might not love him yet, but it could happen. It is slowly happening. I can feel the flower starting to bloom in the middle of my chest.

The vines wrap around my lungs an take the air from them. They crawl into my heart, opening it to a whole new perspective.

I am slowly falling in love with Salem. As much as I try to push those confusing thoughts away, it's the truth. That's something I cannot change.

We have known each other for two months and yet it feels like lifetimes. What will it be in four months? Will these feelings multiply? Triple? My heart can't take that much.

"Say something," he whispers softly. He searches my face, waiting for me to speak.

Although, if I know anything, it's that actions speak louder than words.

I slowly lean to his right side an lightly kiss his cheek, just like he did on my birthday, when I needed his comfort. He looks stunned, shocked beyond belief.

I let his hands go, an lean up to whisper in his ear. "I could never hate you."

He lets out the breathe he was holding. I give him one last smile an turn around an strut to my house. Once I get inside I automatically feel the tense atmosphere.

All the guys are there, but I can see that Sasha and Dane look the most pissed. I don't feel like arguing so I focus my eyes to all the duffle bags sitting in my living room.

"Hey Ray-Ray," Luca says. I don't acknowledge his presence, due to the fact of my new profound hatred for someone I once considered a brother. He didn't mean to kill Jett, I understand that, but he once had the intent to, and that's what hurts the most.

It's odd how one thing can change the way you see someone forever.

"What is this?" I direct towards Dane. He drops the bag that was in his hand on the floor an walks over to me.

"The guys and I have something to take care of in New Mexico, we'll be back in two weeks," he says, not beating around the bush.

"You're shitting me right?" I ask in disbelief. He shakes his head, turning his back on me to pick up a bag.

"I know it's short notice but we have a meeting. Talus is coming too."

"What type of meeting?"

"Gang stuff," Sawyer chimed in with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows. He's going to be missing two weeks of school, that's going to be hell for his academics.

I glare at my brothers back. "What the hell do you even do? I know Salem sells guns an shit like that."

"We get contraband past domestic and international lines. We also collect debt for other gangs that don't have the right...equipment."

Oh.

"You won't be here alone, we made sure to get you a babysitter," Talus says, walking into the room from the kitchen with Simone. I'm a little shocked that she's in my house, especially while Dane's here.

"Seriously, who?"

"Me."

My eyes go wide as I slowly turn around. He stands there half smirking, half looking happy at my shock.

Navy. Of all people Dane could have chose, he chooses to leave me alone for two weeks with Navy. My ex boyfriend. Can life get any worse?

"You're also not allowed to invite anyone over under any circumstances. If I find out Wyatt was here you're grounded for a month," Dane adds.

Yes, life can get worse.

"Why can't Salem come over if you're not going to be here?" I counter.

"I don't like trash in my house."

I look over an see Simone shoot him a glare, but doesn't say anything. She presses into Talus's side more, probably taking comfort in him. I remember Salem telling me she was shot before, because my brother wouldn't protect her. I'll have to ask what happened sometime.

All the guys start to pick up their bags. I stand in a daze, watching them we if their worker bees. Why is this so sudden? I don't deserve a heads up?

They all leave the house, giving me hugs. Dane an Talus wait around, Simone silently leaving to go to her house next door.

Talus walks over to me an gives me a big hug, he leans in the whisper in my ear softly, so Dane or Navy can't hear. "Navy has work every night from 6p.m to 3a.m."

I get what he's saying, he's telling me when I won't have my babysitter breathing down my neck. I smile at him an whisper my thank you.

Dane is next, walking up to me an putting his hands on my shoulders. "Two weeks." Is all he says, leaning down an lightly pecking my forehead. He walks out the door, not saying a word after that.

Navy and I stand in complete silence, avoiding each others eye. Why the hell did my brother leave so sudden? He's never been to New Mexico, well, not that I know of.

I finally look at Navy, giving him a bored expression. "You sleep on the couch. Knock before you come in my room. Don't invite anyone over." I say as I start to walk towards the stairs. He catches my wrist an forced me to face him.

"I need to talk to you," he says quietly. That sad look in his eye is back, the one filled with deep sorrow. I remember when the narcissistic, confident, cocky Navy existed, now he's just a shell of who he used to be.

"Talk," I say dryly.

He runs a hand through his hair, looking down at his feet. I know that look. It's when he's going to lay something big on me. He had that look the night he accused me of cheating on him.

"Well...I guess I should just say it, huh?" He stalls. I don't even move, waiting for him to speak. When he finally does, my jaw hits the ground.

"Dane forced me to slap you that night. He told me to end it with you, he didn't like the idea of me being in your life. So he told me to end it, or he'd tell your father I was abusing you. But, in the end, I did."

The shock overwhelms me. I gave up someone who I care about because my brother had some sick idea of continuing this gang shit right under my nose. I could of been happy with Navy. I was in love with him.

So much has changed now. I have Salem. I can't even think of someone in a way that I think of him, whatever that way may be.

I just want to be normal. I just want to be the girl who hangs out with other girls, goes to the mall, falls in love. I don't want this drama. It's selfish to say but apart of me knows I don't deserve it.

Maybe I do. Maybe I deserve everything that I get.

"Thank you for telling me," I whisper. He nods, his eyes actually tearing up. I turn my back an walk up the stares.

The first thing I do is shower, change into comfy clothes, and crawl into bed. It's only 5 when I finally take a break, but at this point, I don't care.

Meanwhile | Luca (a few hours earlier)
"Refuse an I'll call you for broken blood," Dane says simply, not even looking at Sawyer.

"Why? Because I want to be successful in life? Because I don't want to be a load of dog shit like you?" Sawyer yells.

If we're being honest, I agree with Dane. I think Sawyer should drop out so he can focus on Ace of Spades. That's the main priority here. That's what our lives revolve around. It may not be good, but it keeps cash in my pocket, so I'll make a few selfish choices now and then.

Selfish choices. That's the shit Rayan spewed about in her little heart-to-heart. At first, it broke me that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, but I got over it. I don't need someone like that in my life anyways.

I don't need to be changed. I'm good with who I am.

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SURPRISE! Updated bc school starts soon an I just HAD to before my schedule gets fucked.

Hey guys! Hope you like the chapter:) I worked so hard on this one, even though it's pretty short.

Please don't be a silent reader, comment & vote:)

Have a spectacular day:)