King of Spades |Book 1|

Chapter 30 • Emotions Pt.2

•Dane's POV•

In my life I have realized a few things. Every choice I make, I'm just hurting myself, as much as everyone around me. These urges that I feel tell me so. Sometimes, I lay away at night, thinking about everything I've screwed up, and I see the repeating factor. I mess up a lot.

Sometimes I just stop and think. Where will I be in five, ten, fifteen years? Then I ask myself, will I even make it that far?

My emotions are on a downward spiral. Everything I've been keeping at bay is coming back now. I found myself laying in bed, crying because of what my life has come to.

Yeah, crying, what a manly thing to do right?

The worst part is, I can't do anything to stop these feelings, so I let them consume me, until eventually, I'll be nothing.

I don't let anyone see the real me. That just can't happen. I know Talus blames all my emotionless bullshit on Schizoid Personality Disorder, but I've long grew past that. I feel things.

I feel sadness when I think of everything I've done wrong. I feel anger at all the things I could of done right. I feel happiness when I see my baby sister actually smile. I feel things, I just don't let them show.

You don't get to play the cards how you want, you have to settle for the ones that are given. I chose the Ace of Flames over my family to protect them. I love my sister and my brother, I just can't let them know that.

If they knew that I will be looked at as someone who's weak.

I. Am. Not. Weak.

I do these things to protect them from everything.

I knew what I was doing when I moved in next to Wyatt, I just didn't think I'd let him live this long. I still get the compulsion to kill him, for the sake of my sisters future. The way she looks at him makes me so angry.

She loves him. My baby sister is in love with my worst enemy. She doesn't know she loves him, I can see that clearly, but she does know she has feelings for him. That scares me to death.

I just want what's best for her, that's why I fuck up all the time. I got Navy away from her to protect her, but in the process I lost a best friend, and pushed my sister away. Just like I pushed Elyse away.

She and I were never that close. She hated me for always trying to stop her from making bad choices. Rayan is stubborn, but Elyse is impossible. She's relentless, witty, and thick-headed. She got all that from our mother.

I can't think about her in past tense, because deep down, she's still here. I see her in Rayan every since day.

I did love Elyse, but as soon as she got involved with Moretti I stopped having faith in her. It's hilarious how three out of four of the Blackwood children were or are involved with my rivals. The irony of it all baffles me.

Personally, I don't like Simone, but that's mostly because of her brother. She treats Talus good and I'm thankful for that, but she always causes too many problems. Salem is just the walking description of hell. He's ruining my sisters chances at a good life.

It pisses me the fuck off.

I have never wanted to kill someone more than I have wanted to kill Salem Wyatt. But I can't. I can't break my sister even more. That will destroy everything about her, and I can't do that.

Dante, is another story. He's probably the only one I don't hate, personality wise. He treated my sister like a queen an I hope that one day I can thank him for that. But he's the reason she's dead, and that in itself is unforgivable.

If Nazario didn't find out about them, she would still be here with us. My parents would be alive and well, Talus would be his normal joyous self, and Rayan wouldn't be so broken all the time.

"Dane, we need to talk."

I snap out of my thoughts an look in my rearview mirror, now looking at Luca. He's just as much of a brother to me as Talus is. It's great to have that type of friendship.

"Talk," I deadpan.

I hear him huff out a giant, exasperated sigh. "I don't think we should go after Kai once we get back."

That's it. Those few dumb things that someone can say to ultimately piss me off. It's easy to make me mad, but some things can get me furious instantly.

Kai hurt my sister. He broke her ribs, sprained her ankle, and forever scarred her body. That shit will not be overlooked.

"Why is that?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Because he isn't important," he says as if it's the most simplest thing in the goddamn world.

"I will sow your mouth shut if you say something like that's again, got me?"

Luca, of all people, knows I would do that. I've done it before actually, to one of my clients that thought going to the police would be payment enough. It's safe to say he learned his lesson.

"Dane, you need to look at the bigger picture here. Rayan can get closure just fine without going after Kai," he tries to reason.

Is he fucking saying what I think he's saying? Just forget about what happened and move on? I don't forget.

If you mess with my family you mess with me. It's as simple as that.

Meanwhile | Dante
"It's pretty rough here, baby," I say, looking at a picture of Elyse. I remember when I took this. She was watching Elijah and Clayton wrestle with a giant smile on her face. She didn't know I took the picture. She never found out either.

"You know, when you said Rayan was a fireball I didn't take it that serious, but damn, she sure is something. You were right about her and Salem too, you knew they would find their way to each other. You were always so right," I whisper. Most people would think I'm a lunatic for talking to a damn picture, but I feel like I can really speak to her this way, since I can't visit her grave.

Two months ago, when I went back to Washington to get some stuff from my old house, I visited her. It was hard for me, but she's was the love of my life, I couldn't leave Seattle without saying goodbye.

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Heyyy guys! Hope you liked the chapter:)

*gasps* "•Dane's POV•" WWWHHHAAAATTTTT? Yes folks, I did it, I did a POV for Dane.

Do you hate him a little less now? C'mon, how can you hate him? Lol

Dane is my baby. I'll always have a soft spot for him no matter what. I could NEVER hate him, not even after everything he's done. He's definitely my favorite character to write about, although I love writing Dante too.

QOTD | what other POVs would you like to see? Also, do you forgive Dane for some of the stuff he's done?

I think the quote up top perfectly describes Dane TBH.

Please don't be a silent reader, comment and vote:) it means a lot when you do.