Never Let Go

Chapter 14

Lydia's POV:

"You're ok now Grey. You're free now. Fly away." I said as I watched him fly away from me. It's been about time for his wing to heal and for him to get started back on flying. Even though he was just a pigeon he was like a friend to me. So far after my little episode last night I've sunk down into a deep depression. I thought that Spot really liked me. I thought me and him actually had a thing, but I guess that the heart's not always right. I've even started to block out any incoming flashbacks. I refuse to let any of those memories in. Whether they're bad or good. I mean what's the point anyway if Spot was like this to me now then he was like this way before and if that was me in my past always getting conned and hurt then I don't want any part of it.

Even my depression has affected my job. The songs I sing now are all sad. They all reflect on how I'm feeling now. Even Medda told me to take a couple days off since I'm not fit to sing anymore with the mood I'm in. Most of my time I just crouch in the corner with my head on my knees and cry. That's all I ever do now. Cry. But I do it to get everything out of me. I even started to go to work with Oscar and Morris. I've been so attached to Oscar these days after what happened. All of my spirit and all of my fight has been drained out of me. If life is like this then what's there to fight for. I've even started to let Oscar and Morris soak the newsies. I'm normally never okay with it but there's no point in my life anyway.

Rosie came up to me and I was still crouched in my little corner. "Lydia it's time you get out of this room and go outside." I just ignored her sinking more into my corner. "I heard what happened with you and Spot and I just wanted to let you know that what happened was not Spot. He didn't do it." I looked up at her astonished. How can she be on his side? Isn't she supposed to be supportive in this time of grief? "You weren't there at that time but I was. I saw it very clear he was on a horse with my music box running away. He was just getting to me for the music box. He probably sold it by now. He never loved me." I said.

That part you're wrong. He was forced into doing it he had no choice. You just gotta give him a chance." How can I? When I already gave him a chance I only ended up with a broken heart and empty feelings for the world. "And besides in two more days you're going to get married to Oscar and you still have no idea about your past."

"So Oscar's the one for me anyway. My heart was wrong. I was wrong. I should've listened to Oscar my past isn't worth it. Finding my family isn't worth it. For all I know they could be dead right now. There's nothing left in my life anymore." I said. "So this is your decision now. You're going to marry Oscar and just live with it. You know I don't understand you." said Rosie. "So I have to say it step by step for you. You see I had nothing before. It was only me and guess what I got a near death experience with a drunk man. It's just me and Oscar. That's the only thing I have left that's still standing." I said. This argument is getting really heated.

"You had Sarah, Spot, and you had me." said Rosie. "What did having you guys around benefit me from? I can't keep living in my dreams anymore. I have to wake up and face reality. And as soon as I marry Oscar we're going away. I'm never coming back to New York. This will be the last time you'll be seeing me." I said. "Ok! That's just wonderful for you! Cuz guess what I don't need you anymore! That's right, I'm a loner! I don't need you! Because the first time I met you. You needed my help." she said. "Well not anymore." I watched Rosie walk away and before she shut the door on me she gave me these final words. "You know I thought you were the one. I thought you were different than everyone else here in the stinkin' streets of New York. But I guess not you're just like everyone else. Dead and useless."

I started to do some renovating to my room. I started to throw things out that reminded me of Spot or my past. I accidently tipped the roses that were given to me on my first day. I watched the glass break and shatter everywhere and the dead roses scatter on the ground. That just resembles my heart.

"You got me sippin' on something

I can't compare to nothing

I've ever known, I'm hoping

That this fever I'll survive

I know I'm acting crazy

Strung out, a little bit hazy

Hand over heart, I'm praying

That I'm gonna make it out alive

The bed's getting cold and you're not here

The future that we hold is so unclear

But I'm not alive until you call

And I'll bet the odds against it all

Save your advice 'cause I won't hear

You might be right but I won't care

There's a million reasons why I should give you up

But the heart wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants"

My hands started to get pricked and scarred a little but I don't care. The pain in my heart is nothing compared to the pain from the broken glass and the dead roses.

"You got me scattered in pieces

Shining likes stars and screaming

Lighting me up like Venus

But then you disappear and make me wait

And every second's like torture

Hell over trip, no more so

Finding a way to let go

Baby baby, no I can't escape

This is a modern fairy tale

No happy endings

No wind in our sails

But I can't imagine a life without

Breathless moments

Breaking me down, down, down"

After my renovations I started to finish the song back in my little corner.

"The bed's getting cold and you're not here

The future that we hold is so unclear

But I'm not alive until you call

And I'll bet the odd against it all

Save your advice 'cause I won't hear

You might be right but I don't care

There's a million reasons why I should give you up

But the heart wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants"

Song used in this chapter: The Heart Wants What it Wants by Selena Gomez. So far things are going rough for Aura right now. Hope this fanfiction gets shown some love. Plz review.