it's been a whole week of us texting back and forth non stop and watching movies through the phone until one of us fall asleep.
of course that is kinda hard because of the time differences, but we make it work.
everyone around me (family) has noticed how I've been so much happier lately, they're all being annoying about it too. is it a boy, do you have a boyfriend, are you texting that guy, are you gonna get married? that's all I hear lately.
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hey guess what, I'm going to vidcon. it's in a month and a week, I'm so so so excited, I get to see Phil in person again.
he told me he was going too.
so I set it on my calendar and count the days down until it's here.
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Phil never face timed me, he didn't even text me. I tried to text him but he didn't even read it. maybe his phone died.
*next day
oh maybe he was just busy.
*two weeks later
or he forget me.
I think I spoke too soon when I said he never forgot to talk to me. I jinxed it.
I bet he forgot about me, or got a girlfriend. why did I never say anything? am I that stupid? did I really just let it all go.
when Phil left my old friend came back. depression hit again. I had to keep making videos through the pain. I was a mess. my life fell apart as soon as it finally got pieced back together. it was all my fault, why didn't I tell him what pj said? why am I being so stupid about a boy?
my life was back to how it was before meeting Phil, just everything hurt more because there was a hole where Phil was supposed to be.
the weird thing was that there was a complete absence of Phil, he wasn't on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, or even Tumblr. He just hasn't posted or said anything. Dan has so I assume they're okay, if they weren't Dan would have said something.
so I stepped up and d.m.ed him and ask if they were alright.
all I got from Dan was...
"we're okay, Phil just doesn't want to talk to people right now."
I texted Phil, hoping he would see it.
please talk to me, let me know what's wrong, something.
i still got nothing.
so I don't even know what's going on anymore, I just feel useless and stupid to think that someone would actually like me, not even like like me but even like me has a person.
who am I kidding, I wouldn't even like me if I wasn't me, if that made since.
it's all my fault.
I kept telling myself that.
