my freudian slip - phan

xxxv.

The setting sun shifts, and the dark amarynth of the sky flows into Dan's eyes. Phil is in a black shadow. It calms him. Navy is deceiving.

"I can't be with you now, like sex and that shit," Dan says honestly. If Phil's going to leave him he may as well be now. "That's weird to me, you're too pure. You're not pain." There's a shaky laugh. "I'm not the person you met 2 months ago. What the hell happened to me?"

Phil ignores the last comment. "I don't mind. You just– tell me what to do."

"Maybe one day I can love you more." Dan says sadly.

"Sex doesn't equal love, Dan. You can have love without sex."

Dan's shoulders drop. He brings his hand up to try to stifle a sob, but it fails. Dan can't help but think of the woman he had been with years back, how he had given so much to her, how many times they'd slept together and how much he used to whisper to her how much he'd loved her. But she'd used him so much. He doesn't think it was love now, looking into Phil's eyes.

"I need to think about you right now."

"Why?" It's the curiosity in Phil.

"You love me. You make me not want to die so much." He closes his eyes again. The woman had only made him hate himself to begin with. "Just kiss me."

Weepiness is inherent to love, inherent to feeling, and Dan is starting to feel. He is starting to love. Wet is growing through his lashes and he falls into the embrace of blankets.

"Love me in every way I can't." It's whispered to the air above him.

"Where?" Phil asks tentatively.

Dan smiles.

"Everywhere."