SONDER (Girls like girls)

13

I'm so sad.

Miss ko na babe ko.

I miss her cheeks, I miss her laugh, I miss smelling her hair. This is by far the biggest fight we had, dahil hindi pa rin nya ako kinakausap. 6 days. ALMOST A WEEK HAS PASSED.

Oh, hey. Happy weeksary to me. Kumain na ba me? Natulog ba me ng maayos? Dream of me, me. I love me. Pakiss nga, me. Mwah.

I sigh as I threw my head back on my pillow. "Pag nalaman ko talaga kung sino nangtrip sakin, i'll stab her. or him." I whisper. I tilt my head to watch TV, hoping to atleast distract myself but dammit.

"...Sana ako nalang, ako nalang ulit." I gritted my teeth. Pati ba naman si basha at popoy? Get away from me, plz.

Kulang nalang magsink na sa gums ko mga ngipin ko sa kakadiin ko. Now i'm pissed. I suddenly realized something.

Why the hell am I not doing anything?
Bakit ko napatagal 'to ng 6 days?

Not that I didn't do anything. Sinuyo ko sya. Triny ko syang isurprise with apple juice, her favorite. But she rejected it. At the end, ako lang uminom ng lasang ihi na iyon. I tried hugging her behind the back ng biglaan, but she pushed me away. Kulang nalang ata mag pa birthday surprise ako sakanya, lahat ng surprise nagawa ko na.

I think. Jack, wag kang tonta! Once again, I sigh. This is prolly the only thing i've been doing since I woke up, sighing. Hoping the heavy feeling in my chest would go off with a loooong heavy sigh.

I shake my head and decided to scroll through my twitter timeline. I rarely use facebook, puro jeje naman nandun. "Tag mo yung..." "Type C and ililibre ka ng starbox..." Keep it, thanks. Bye.

I hear the doorknob twist... ang bagal. I only know one person who twists my doorknob slowly because she's the only one who knows how I hate it.

"Get in, dumbass!"

I hear her bungisngis. Napakaano talaga nito.

"Laro tayo!" Sarap higa n'yang sabi, tinulak pa ako as if she owns this bed. She's wearing pink rubber shoes, black cyclings, and a white shirt that shouts 'BEAST'.

"Pft." I contain my laugh.

"What?" She frowns and looks at her shirt.

"Nice shirt. Bagay sa mukha mo."

"Excuse you. I'm beauty." Irap niya. "Get up! Let's go!" I shake my head. I am so not in the mood. Hinila nya wrist ko. Anak ng–!

I pulled my wrist and nakipaghilahan sya sa'kin.

"Seriously. I'm not in the mood."

"Oopsie. Vas happenin' ba? Anyare? Wala pa din?"

"Nah." tipid kong sagot.

"Ano ba sabi nya?" Nica being Nica, she didn't get the hint and decided to ask me more questions.

"That she won't talk to me unless I figured everything out." I tell her. I so hate those words. Everytime susuyuin ko sya, ayun lang sasabihin nya sakin. Kabisado ko na ata yung expression nya and yung tone ng voice nya everytime she says it.

Kinilig ako at first, knowing my girl is jealous. I think it's okay to be posessive over somebody that's yours but darn it. Para paabutin ng ganito katagal? It seems like she doesn't trust me at all.

I sigh. On second thought, i'd rather watch this movie than talk about it.

I get my phone and called Ash.

First attempt, she doesn't answer.

I try to call her again and closed my eyes. After about five rings, she picks up. "Hello?"

I sit right up my bed. "H-hello? Ash?"

"Why?"

"Ash, I–I'm so sorry. Please talk to me. I've been trying to reach you but- I'm sorry. I miss you." The last three words came out almost like a whisper. I obviously didn't know what to say, I didn't expect her to answer my call.

"U-uh, it's okay."

"REALLY?" I beam with excitement.

"Yeah.. I'm sorry if di kita pinapansin and for acting like that. It's just that- it's just kinda... busy." She talks slow and low. I almost pout. I'm not convinced. She doesn't seem happy at all.

"Cheer up, babe! Babawi ako, promise!" I raise my right hand but binaba ko din agad when I realized she won't see me. Nica covers her mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah. I- uhhh... I gotta go, okay? See you."

"Okay? See you, babe! W-wait! Can I see you today?" I ask, smiling. I can't wait.

"I don't think so, Jack. I'm just really busy."

"Oh, okay. Take care always, okay? Babe?" I say, emphasizing the word babe.

"Okay, babe. See you at school." She says then drops the call.

"How was it? Ano sabi?" Nica asked.

"We're okay now, I guess." I shrug.

"Bakit parang hindi ka happy? What did she say ba sinigawan ka ba nya? Bakit biglang okay na? Vas happeniiiiii–"

I look at her, my eyes half shut. "Oh God."

"So, ano nga?"

"She said it's okay and that she's sorry for acting up. But I can sense there's something bothering her, she just won't tell me what it is, and it's bothering the hell out of me as well." I say. Okay na ba? -.-

"Ano naman reason bakit sya nab-bother? May ginawa ka ba? Baka naman binibigyan mo sya ng reason para mafeel yun, nako Jacquelin ayan ka nan–"

"I've changed." I cut her off before she continues what she's about to say. "I did some shīt but i've changed. Okay? I'm trying." My voice serious. She nods once and kept silent.

We both look at the TV, pareho kaming kunyari nanunuod but in reality, my mind is full of strings, each containing a story, some of it coming from nowhere and ending anywhere you can't pinpoint which is connected and which is not anymore. It's that complicated. These strings are endless.

We decide not to talk about it.. we always do.

She gets my phone and enters my passcode. "Pa games. Hihi." She says, back to her usual self. I shrug and watched TV. After a few minutes of silence, she speaks.

"Sandra DMed you?"

I look at her. My eyes widened. Sandy. How could I forget?