fear // phan

0.5

dan's pov

i wake up, sadly. if only i could be in that nothingness comfort for all eternity, maybe i will be one day when i die. i rise from my bed, stumbling over my steps, which isn't surprising coming from me. i walk over to my dresser, picking out the blackest clothing i own and throw it into a completely stylish and cool outfit and proceed to put it on. when i'm done for once i head on downstairs to see.. none of my family again! how great! i grab myself a caramel fudge cereal bar, grab my bag and phone and start to leave the house, locking the door behind me. not that anyone would even want to steal from us, of course. 

i start on walking to school, trying to ignore the stares that people may be giving, it's none of their business on how tired and drained i look anyway. continuing my way to school, i keep my eyes on the pavement until i see a lock of jet black hair from the distance. i speed my pace up by a tad to see if it was who i thought it was, and out of everyone it could be, it was him. i was not dealing with today, or ever, actually. i pause and shift my body ninety degrees and decide on crossing the road there and then, so me and phil were on opposite sides. i proceeded to walk up that side of the pavement, staring at phil from afar. even though i might like him, i don't want him to even attempt to contact me in the real world as i'm far too fearful for that. as soon as phil was too far for me to be able to see him, i cross back over to the side of the road i was on and keep on to my journey to hell.. i mean school. i finally arrive at that hell hole dump.

i just hope that phil doesn't try to talk or have any form of eye contact with me, or anyone at that matter. i really can't deal with this today. i just have a lot going on. i probably have anthropophobia but i can't self-diagnose and none of my family would even take me to the health clinic to find out why i have such a severe fear of people and just human company in general. i make my way straight to lesson as i was already a little late for registration but the school are more lenient with me as i always get to lessons on time and am doing 'so well in my lessons'. not sure how that's happening, but i'm not complaining that much.

i take my seat in class, and up strides philip himself, who plonks himself next to me in the spare seat. i honestly can't believe this. why didn't i think that he would do this? philip looks at me (which has already got me panicking as heck at this point) and gives me a soft, gentle smile. it didn't seem that way to me, so i quickly excused myself from class and ran out to the place which makes me the most comfortable and soothing. the forest.

*

im not too sure what this even is

im so confused