"Ms. Sherman is in a minor drug endused coma. Her body was so weak from not eating properly and it looks like she may be asleep for about a month or two" He said in a monotone voice but i knew he felt sorry for me by his look.
I caused this shit. I made her feel ugly and fat so she starved herself. I probably caused the anxiety too. Im such a fucking loser! I took my fist and slammed it against the wall and dropped my head. why do i do this? why does this happen to me?
"Is she going to be okay when she wakes up?" I ask almost not wanting an answer. i don't even try to look up at the doctor.
"Well she had slight Liver damage so she'll be in bed for about a week after she wakes up but other than that she's pretty okay." He says before giving me a quick im sorry and leaving.
Fuck my life.Why is all this shit happening to someone so perfect? She couldnt have done something so terrible to deserve this?
I asked the doctor if I could see her and her agreed.
I opened the door and saw her small body in wrapped in the white sheets with a clear tube around her face and under her nose. She had about 3 different machines around her beeping and taking readings on her.
I grabbed her hand as I sat in the chair next to her bed, She didn't squirm or her breath hitch like it usually does when our skin connects, she just layed there. Lifeless.
"Hey sweetheart, I-its me...Harry. I..I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know you chose to swallow those pills but..I-I just never knew you were hurting so bad...or I could have helped you or been there for you and...I fucking wasn't. You went hungry purposely because of me...You over dosed because of me and now you re laying here in this hospital bed because of me. I wish I knew what was causing you all this pain so I could change it. I never mean to hurt you sweetheart and as soon as you wake up ill be here to comfort you and help you..okay sweetheart?" My voice starts to strain and it gets harder and harder to push the words out of my mouth. I know she cant hear or answer me but I just feel better saying it.
I lean down and kiss her forehead. Her warm skin against my lips makes me miss her even more. I lay my head against our enclosed hands and whisper things to myself. Why cant she just be here? with me...
After a few hourse the nurse tells me visiting hours are over and I just nod leaving the room. As im leaving I notice some guy with black hair and really blue eyes outside her room just smiling. I brush it off thinking its just one of her old friends or something.
The drive some was depressing. Not having her body in the car with me knowing that I had just gotten her and now she's gone for the next 2 fucking months.
I walked into my flat and felt alone once I stepped in. God dammit I missed her touch, her kisses, her smile, even her eye rolls. I walked into the kitchen and opened a cabinet over the sink pulling out a tall bottle of Brown liquor.
I dropped two ice cubes into a glass and poured the liquid into it. I grasped the cup sitting at the island on a stool. I took a few sips as the liquor made the familiar burn of my throat. I drank four glasses before just drinking straight from the bottle. Once it was half gone I put it on the counter and just fell to the ground in front of the sink. I sat with my back against the cabinets as the room spun and my drunken thoughts took over my body.
I missed her so much and I knew when she woke up she wouldnt want to be with me. She just wanted to be friends but I just started to care about her while she just drowned any feelings out with pills. What made her fucking paranoid? I don't get it she was fucking stunning and her body...Damn she had the most perfect body.
But she thought she was fat? that she had to starve herself? thinking id want someone skinnier? That she wasn't good enough for me?
If anything I wasn't good enough for her. She could probably have anyone.
I stand from the hard floor my ass growing numb from sitting so long and make my way toward my room. I take off my pants and shirt laying in the bed in my drunken state. I close my eyes as images of her flood my brain. I think of her over and over, her living and breathing running around being happy.
I lay there in my thoughts until im finally pulled into sleep and even then I have dreams full of her.
***
I visit her everyday and tell her how much I miss her, how I want her next to me. That I want nothing more than to hear her laugh. She never answers. Its been a week since her...incident. I bring her flowers everyday hoping the day she wakes she'll see them and smile.
I still see that same guy with the jet black hair and blue eyes everyone and a while when I visit. He's started to creep me out a bit and I'm a little tempted to talk to him sometimes. I just ignore him most of the time keeping almost all of my thoughts on Hailey. The only thing is lately I've been called into work a lot lately. Not my job teaching Ju-Jit-Su though. God if Hailey knew about my other job she'd be so disappointed. I wanted out of this job but it's pretty hard to get out of this line of work.
I lean down and kiss her before leaving her hospital room and heading back home. I get a text and of fucking course I have work. Fuck me man.
**Hailey's P.O.V.**
Everyday Harry visits me in my sedated state. I hear everything he says to me and I can't reply. I just lay there hearing every word, I wish I could reply but I cant ever pull my body or mind to just wake the fuck up and hug him while telling him he does deserve me or that I would never leave him again. He always tells me this is all his fault and it kills me knowing I should have told him about Dylan.
Tell him that he's the reason for all of my hurt and suffering but I know I cant. But hearing Harry blame himself everyday is starting to kill me more. I just want to get away again but with Harry to be with him just me and him but I knew that could never happen.
A girl can only dream.
