"Hailey..." He said carefully. As if he were walking on egg shells or trying to diffuse a bomb. One wrong move and Id blow, but I knew I didn't have the strength in me to fight or argue. He pulled his arms from around me and set them to his sides, I quickly grew cold from the lack of warmth as I watch him try to find the right words.
"When was the last time you had a real meal?" He said bringing his lip ring between his teeth. He started to rub the back of his neck and i knew he was becoming nervous.
I searched the ground for answers knowing when the words expelled from my lips he was going to be furious.
"Monday....Monday afternoon." I said watching the floor. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he brought his hands to his face and sighed.
"Hailey..I...I dont understand..why?" was all he could muster up. I watched his feet sway back as I racked my brain.
Why?
It was a simple question that could have been easily answered if I knew the answer.
Why did I inflict this torture upon myself? why did i force any food that entered my body back up? why did I ignore the burning pain in my stomach as my body longed for a source of energy? I thought and thought until I finally found an answer that would suffice.
"Society." I said quietly not sure if Harry had heard me.
He ran his fingers through his dark curls before looking back at me.
"Can you explain, be a little more specific." He said harshly to me. I nodded and looked at him; his green eyes were now a dark..almost black.
"I just...I was chubby...and not making the cut and I-I just wanted you to think I was skinny enough for you...I know there's some really s-skinny girls who are actually r-really pretty who would l-love to be with you but I-I don't want them to....I want to." With every shaky and barley audible word that left my lips Harry just stared and almost couldnt believe what I was telling him. But I knew its what needed to be said.
" You know when I first saw you my first instinct to protect you" He trailed off and looked out the nearby window at a bird on a feeder chirping. He smirked at it before looking back at me.
"And you know what..." He was becoming as if he were mocking me. I felt the tears stream down my face and neck as I waited for him to continue.
"I have no fucking idea how I'm supposed to keep you safe.... from your own self." He raised his hand and gestured toward my body. His words were firm but I knew he was right. I was killing myself and hurting the people around me.
Harry specifically.
"Harry...I..I'm sorry. I didn't meant to do it I just..." I babbled hiccuping between every few words. I really didn't know what to say. There really was no excuse for what I was doing to myself.
"You're sorry? You didn't mean it? Hailey how do you apologize for something like that? 'Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to starve myself to fit the image society sets out for me to be' you re fucking kidding me?" He didn't raise his voice but I knew he was pissed. I watched as he reached down and grabbed the bottle of pills off of the floor.
"and these what are these for?" He said shaking them in his hand. I closed my eyes as the images of him passed through my head. The way he drove me on edge, how even though I'm an ocean away he still haunts me everyday.
"panic attacks and paranoia" I said as a whisper. He didn't say anything for a while just looked at me burning his eyes through me as if trying to figure out every little thing about me in one look.
