That feeling came onto him again, that feeling of emotional loneliness, he felt overwhelmed like he needed to get away, to run, to seclude himself. So he did, social media wise. Honestly, he liked it when he did this, he liked to get away at the click of a finger, he felt relieved like he could breathe again, like he could get back to his own shit, his own true self. He picked up his phone and he felt the urge to purge his gallery too. He went through it deleting all the stuff he now regarded as total crap, but hardly a day before they were necessities he could not even think of deleting.
It was during this purge that he came across her photo, he had hardly looked at it for a split second before he found himself smiling back at that radiant smile, not because of want but it just happened like an emotional reflex action. He could hardly explain why it made him smile, why it made him so damn happy, the sort of true happiness that takes you by surprise, that has your soul feeling so fucking elevated and your mind in another realm. True bliss, he thought, that can only come from love, true love not the type of forced desperate social media love so common in his generation. The combination of agape and storge was what he felt.
He continued to look at that picture, still smiling like a total idiot, as he tried to find a reason as to why it made him feel so warm inside. He gazed at it in wonder and question, at that beautiful innocent smile, the way the corners of her mouth curved upwards to form beautiful curves and lines, the way her cheeks filled up with excitement and honest joy. She doesn't have dimples but by God she does not need them. She was the very definition of adorable.
It was then that he realised why he had felt the way he did, it was because at that moment he realised the magnificence of storge and agape. She was his niece, so by default he had to love her, but it was not the expectancy that made him love her. It dawned on him that he actually wanted to love her with all his heart and not because he had to or was expected to. What made it special is the fact that he knew that it was not not the kind of love he expected to get anything out of, it was selfless, he was loving her purely for the sake of her.
There were times, many, when he thought he was not capable of such before he had this moment, now he considered the fact that he could count on one hand the number of people he loved this way. Giving it your all while not expecting something in return was not something he was accustomed to. He wished he could love this way more, but it just wasn't his way. Life had taught him to be selfish that things like this had to be earned. He felt his love had to be earned, they had to show effort, get him to trust that they deserved it. Love without expectation, no that was not something he could afford to dish out, it was not something everyone deserved...and no matter how bad he would want to love more this way, he knew it was in him that selfishness was key in his defence...
