Solitude

Chapter 18 (Almost)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Losing a friend should not be this painful. But the empty feeling that she's been having since the day she last talked to Blake is still present in Alex's chest. It was sad and disappointing that it feels like going through the stages of grief and she is still finding her way to acceptance.

It was hard not talking to him when she sees him and acting as if they never knew each other but the confirmation of his deception is too heavy to forgive. The fact that he felt nothing - not even a bit of regret for what he did is the hardest part. She thought he is one of those friends that she can count on to through whatever. She ended up wrong.

It's a relief that school's almost over. Just a week more and she's done. It won't be awkward anymore, the pain will disappear altogether, she won't be seeing him anymore and it doesn't matter. It does not.

"What are your plans for the summer?" Michelle asked as she caught up with her while walking through the school corridor.

"Plans?" Alex thought of what she could tell her friend that will be acceptable for a normal teenager. "I am planning to go on some training camp or something. There are some skills that I need to hone and I need to be away for a while."

"Oh, of course," Mich knew why Alex has to go away for a while. "It's still pretty awkward, though. Seeing him and you know." she shrugged.

Alex smiled sadly, "I know."

They dropped the subject there and then. It's still a sore subject between them but she knew that she's more affected than Mich.

"How about you? What's your plan?" she asked her as they are walking out of the school building.

"Beach," Mich said excitedly. "Mom booked a reservation at some beach resort. She said that we need a 'proper' vacation for this summer."

"Wow, its been so long since I last went to the beach. I miss the salty air and the waves rushing and the sea gulls. I'm sure you'll have loads of fun."

"I absolutely will! I hope that you will enjoy that camp of yours. I don't know if it's just me but the idea of a camp makes me feel like ugh." Michelle said with distaste.

Alex was laughing as they were about to part ways. They waved to each other goodbye and went on theie own ways. If Michelle only knew what kind of camp she's visiting this summer. After London, she realized that she's getting rusty and she already need an intensive training. This training camp is not about showing your skills in dancing or singing but your talent in surviving difficult and even life threatening situation. A camp perfect for her. She needs to focus now more than ever.

She pushed the door open slowly, unsure if anybody is home. Her mother was scheduled to leave earlier that day and she's hoping that she already left. After a few minutes of observation, she confirmed that her mom is no longer around. Alex went upstairs to change do stretching; she's trying to get into a desirable shape before entering the camp or she would not last.

She tried to control her movements but the agression and stress that she's feeling couldn't help but show as she's training with the punching bag. After a few moments she knew she have to cool down. She stopped and did some breathing exercises to calm and steady herself. It's time to stop already.

Lying down her bed trying to catch some sleep, the thoughts she was trying to suppress badly popped up inside her head. Up until now she's still stuck with the whys and what ifs which are totally useless and do nothing but hurt her more. She feel asleep with these in her head just like the night before and the other nights.

She's hoping that it will all disappear tomorrow - the hurt, the pain, the grief - she wished them to disppear that she could start again. She could back again to her to the way she was before he came and changed her slowly.

A/N:

Hey!!! It's been so long - years long. I should explain why this update took so long but it will take us about five chapters so let's not go there. I miss this story so much and writing and being in Wattpad (I've been disconnected from this world for like years).

Do you know? That I am writing this during my luch break on our office's sleeping quarters? Crazy, I know! But I'm so inspired and excited to share a piece of myself again with you so... here we are.

Last chapter I said last chapter, right? Haha guess that's not going to be the case. So join me again through this journey as I write more chapters and edit the previous chapters.

XOXO