I love you from A to Z (a Drarry one shot series)

16. pressure to be perfect

A/N warning: will include selfharm, suicide, self hate, and smut

To skinny, to fat, to short, to tall, to smart, to dumb. Everybody is trying to put me in boxes I don't fit in.

Ron sees me more masculine,

Ginny sees me smarter,

Neville thinks I'm a hero,

George can't look me in the eyes,

Molly thinks I'm too skinny,

The press thinks I'm too fat,

What all these people have in common? The real me isn't good enough for them. The only person that gets to see the real me is Draco. He has been my loving boyfriend for three years. Around him I'm able to let my guard down, show him some of the true me. When I'm with him I can drop the mask, the fake smiles and the happy attire. He comforts me, he gets me to calm down, he is the one that truly loves me, but latterly it's been too much. Not even Draco can get me to open up anymore. Love has kept me going for years, but even the best medicine stops working sometimes. My new medicine is formed by thin white lines all over my hips, stomach and To skinny, to fat, to short, to tall, to smart, to dumb. Everybody is trying to put me in boxes I don't fit in.

Ron thinks I'm arms formed with a sharp cool steel razor that I hit in the hollow left past of my bed. None of my dorm mates have noticed that something has changed. Hermione has noticed that I pushed her away even more. Draco realized something was really wrong long ago, but was afraid that asking him would push him over the edge. That left me alone with my blade with all the freedom to do with it whatever I want to my body. before I leave the bathroom I glamour all the scars away. I take the decision that today is the last day, the last day of my suffering, but before I go I will give Draco something special. I slowly walk towards the slytherin dorms I know this route by heart. As soon as I reach the portrait to the common room I give it the password and enter. The slytherins don't have dorms but single bedrooms. I quietly slip into Draco's room there is surprise in his grey eyes when he sees me. He opens his arms in a silent question to join him on the bed. I quickly kick of my shoes and crawl over to him. When I'm snuggled up in his arms I start to kiss his neck, which he reacts to very surprised since every time he starts something I stop him. I realize how pathetic it sounds that I never had sex with my boyfriend of four years. Draco looks deep in my eyes and says "are you sure?". I give a quick nod before I start kissing him roughly. Slipping my hands under his shirt. My lips leave his for a short time to pull his shirt over his head soon followed by my own. I down his pants. This seems to wake him up, he takes over the control and flips us over before taking of my pants, which left us both in only our boxers. Mine have become uncomfortably tight. I look down to see that Draco has a similar problem. I reach down and brush my fingers over his clothed member. A moan escapes his lips. Draco shifts down a bit so his face is in front of my crotch. He pools down my boxers and takes my entire length in his mouth. I feel nothing anymore except for pure bliss. I feel my knees getting pressed towards my chest and one lubed up finger slowly enters me. At first it feels pain full but after a second it starts to feel better. He starts to trust finger in and out, moans keep coming from my mouth as a second ant a third finger are added one by one before Draco decides I'm prepped enough. He pulls down his boxers and rolls on a condom. He positions himself at my entrance. "are you really sure?". I nod. At my reassurance Draco pushes in. it feels like I get torn in half, a tear slips down my cheek. Once he is fully inside me he waits for me to give the sign he can move. After a couple of minutes it starts to feel better. I give a squeeze in gis hand and he starts to trust in and out. Ten minutes later we lay exhausted next to each other totally exhausted. I snuggle yp to Draco as he whispers I my ear "that was really worth the wait". I slowly fall asleep next to him. When I wake up the next I feel very sore but very determent. The same determination from yesterday. I slowly get up and put on my clothes, before starting my walk yo to the Gryffindor tower. As I step through the portrait I start to walk up the bedpost after making sure everybody is gone. I start slicing at my wrist, making sure that the cuts are very deep. My vision starts to get blurry. I quickly pull out the letter for Draco and Hermione before making a final slice.

Hermione POV

I have been looking for Harry all morning. I can't find him anywhere. I make a second round around the boys dorms and notice a puddle of blood by the door to the bathroom. As I open the door I let out a scream. Harry's lifeless body is laying on the ground I get up and run down to the hospital wing.

It has been two days since I found Harry. I am sitting with Draco under a tree. We both had tears streaming down our faces. McGonnagol walks over to us and silently hands us a letter before walking away. I turn around the letter and let out an audible gasp as I see that its addressed to us both in the handwriting of my late best friend.

To my dragon and Moine

With shaking hands Draco takes out two letters and hand me mine.

Dear Moine,

You have been my best friend snice I was 1 years old, you are like the sister I never had. Please don't cry anymore. Go say goodbye to me. Dray will know what to do.

With love,

Harry

I look at Draco with a look of question, while my cheeks are drenched in tears. He turns the rock three times. I gasp as a ghost version of Harry appears. "why" I only manage to whisper. "because the love became smaller than the pressure to be perfect.

A/N i could not not write a sad one-shot. i hope you guys liked it. BTW i finally updated on time for once. Don't forget to leave a comment and a vote and i will see you all next week.

noelleWB out