ANG DIARY NG SINGLE

Chapter 7 - Broken

Life is not a bed of rose petals......

Sometimes we thought that love is enough for us to stick together. However, there are different kinds of love and some love is greater, for me love for the family should come first.

It is a sacrifice. I have sacrificed my love.

Iba-iba tayo ng pananaw sa buhay. As in my case yun ang pananaw ko sa buhay. I don't want to sacrifice his love for family just to be with me. It should go together.

Nagtagal kami ni Matt ng 1 year and six months. The last four months hindi na katulad ng dati. Nauubusan na siya ng time sa akin and I can sense na napapagod na siya.

Lagi ko siyang inaaway dahil sa kawalan niya ng time. He is too tired to argue though. I have said a lot of things to him and I don't know kung paano niya tinanggap. I told him I can live without him no matter how hard it is for me to say it.

And it hit him hard. He was so devastated thinking that I can live without him and he kept on repeating that to me. If that is the only way that will break us up, then I never took those words back.

I stood up to what I said. When I finally broke up with him he didn't accept it. However, I went on with it.

Nalaman ko kasi that his mom is giving flowers and everything to the girl in Matt's name. The girl keeps on posting it in social media even tagging Matt.

Diba besh nakakainsulto yun? Tao ako may damdamin, hindi ako bato na apak apakan nila. Sa ganda kong to ganun ganunin niya ako!? Hindi ako magpapaapak. Hindi ako pinanganak para apak apakan ng ibang tao. Sobra akong nasaktan at feeling ko wala na akong magagawa. Kasi kahit ano pa ang gagawin ko, his mom will never like me. Ayokong mabuhay sa mundo pati ang mga anak ko kung may taong galit sa akin at ayaw sa akin. Hindi ako gutom sa pagmamahal. Nandiyan ang pamilya ko na mahal na mahal ako. Alam ko na darating ang panahon kung kami talaga ang para sa isa't isa darating din yun.

Siguro disappointed kayo besh kasi nag end agad ang relationship namin ni Matt. Nakakakilig pa naman.

Ganyan talaga mga besh. Pakikiligin ka ng taong mahal mo pero sa bandang huli paiiyakin ka din. Masasaktan ka ng paulit ulit. Kung ayaw mong magtiis naku besh! Held your head up high at e rampa ang kagandahan. Kung wala ng darating eh di mainam. Rumampa ang magaganda forever.

Walang nagawa si Elise but to comfort me. His cousins kept on comforting me too and telling me that I should stick with Matt and understand him.

Pero nakapag decide na ako. I have to do something in my life and being with Matt I think I cannot fufill those. Call me selfish, but I am too damn hurt enough.

I cried everyday for the first 2 months. I am working like a robot. Walang buhay. I am back to my routine. I blocked Matt to all my numbers and even my social media accounts. He's not a techie person so I don't think he'll notice. I even blocked his families and friends.

I want to start over with my life, a life where Matt is non existent yet.

I discovered that the girl is my friend Liza's co-worker. They're both executives in the girl's family business. I was so hurt. Liza didn't tell me about the real score between the girl and Matt. She just told me to be open in breaking up with Matt because her mother is doing everything and Matt is a mom's boy and he'll surely follow her. It was then that I realized what she meant. So I blocked her too. I want an honest friend. I want a friend who tells the truth no matter how hurtful it is.

Sobra akong nasaktan beshies! Bakit ganoon akala ko siya na ang forever ko? Akala ko nahanap ko na ang prince charming ko, akala ko kaya kong magtiis hanggang sa huli. Pero hindi ko kasi kaya beshies na nahihirapan ang mahal ko. Alam kong mahal na mahal ni Matt ang mom niya kaya ako na ang kumalas. Kahit ano pa ang gawin ni Matt hanggat ayaw pa rin ng mom niya sa akin. Ayoko na rin.