The Marauders: Year Four

James's Idea

James's Idea

Every motion of Remus's body was like a sharp reminder of how horrible he was. He winced as he bent down to pick up the used copies of textbooks he'd got and put them in his bag. He cringed at the weight of the bag on his shoulder and the feeling of the starched school uniform shirt touching the raw skin on his arms and chest where he had scratches and cuts still healing from the moon. And worse was looking at James. James would be smiling at him and all Remus could think was how close he'd been to biting his neck, how much he'd wanted to taste his blood. It made his stomach churn and he hung his head, staring at his feet, not wanting to look up. Every time he saw any of his friends eyes he felt a pang of guilt, and he imagined disappointment in their eyes, even if it wasn't really there he saw it anyway.

He'd been most upset to find Lily knew about what happened, too, when she'd pulled him aside after their first Charms lesson and hugged him, "I know why you're upset, Remus," she'd whispered softly, "It's going to be alright... please, don't look so sad."

"So they told you, then?" Remus murmured, keeping his eyes downcast.

"I made Potter tell me," Lily admitted.

"Just as well, you should know to avoid me, I'm dangerous," he whispered and he'd pulled out of the hug and walked away.

Lily caught up to him, "It wasn't your fault," she said.

"Of course it was," Remus said, "I never should've taken the risk I did and --"

"Rey, you took a nap," Lily said, "You took a nap, that's all you did. There's nothing wrong with taking naps. It's perfectly allowable. You didn't do anything wrong."

Remus shook his head, "You don't understand... I knew I needed to go to the Shrieking Shack. I should've gone and taken my nap there if I was going to take one. I'm horrible. I nearly murdered one of my best friends."

Lily said, "But Rey - you aren't yourself when you're -- changed."

Remus didn't cheer up though.

In an effort to cheer him up, Sirius dragged him along to see Professor McGonagall to add Muggle Studies to their class roster, saying it would be great fun to study muggles together. "Imagine how angry my mum will be when this trickles home that I'm studying muggles on purpose?" he laughed, "And you're half-blood so you'll do brilliantly - you know how muggle stuff works... and it'll be fun, having a class, just us two, won't it? We can trade notes and do homework together... We can work on assignments on Moon Days in the Shack together!"

Remus had just shrugged, "Whatever you want to do," he'd said.

"I'm worried about Remus," Sirius said quietly at dinner to James and Peter that night, when Remus refused to go down to the Great Hall with the others, saying he thought it would be best if he stayed in the dormitory unless he had to leave it. "He's taking this whole thing entirely too hard on himself. I'm trying my damnedest to cheer him up, but it's simply not working. Any suggestions?" Sirius looked between the two of them.

James sighed, "I dunno mate."

"Nor do I," Peter agreed. He sighed, "I think we need to think of something, though. I feel so awful for him." He hesitated, "I hate that I was right about this being a possibility."

"Was wondering how long it would take you to bring that up," James said, rolling his eyes.

"I mean it though, I hate that it's happened!" Peter said, "I do!"

Sirius shook his head, "He didn't mean for it to."

"I know that," Peter argued, "I didn't say he did. I'm sorry that I was right. I didn't want to be!"