Deteriorate

Enough.

A/N: I have this history project and I had to create a colony and my group called it "Memesylvania" and it's meme themed I love myself

**

September

Scott

I nearly scream at the chaos behind me.

I turn around to see my band members plus Esther.

"Happy home from hospital day!"

"We brought balloons!"

"And flowers!"

"And chocolate!"

"And Avi."

I stare at them with my mouth open.

"Scott?"

I feel tears fill my eyes. "I love you guys."

"Thought we gave you a heart attack." Kirstie sighs.

Everyone sits on the couch.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Mitch asks.

"Yeah. Let's watch Hairspray!"

"I love that movie." Avi says.

Mitch gets up to find the movie.

"So... are you all better now, or what?" Esther asks.

Oh god, I have to tell them.

Don't cry, don't cry...

"Uh, yeah, well-"

I feel a lump form in my throat.

"I- I have to have chemotherapy. I'm gonna- I'm gonna lose my hair."

Tears fall down my face.

"Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm so sorry."

"We love you."

Everyone hugs me and rubs my back and gives me encouraging words.

I get up and run to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I throw myself onto my bed and cry into my pillow.

I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of people having to pray for me, I'm tired of hospitals, I'm tired of cancer-

I'm tired.

I wish this would all be over.

I just want to be able to sing again, I want to have my life back, my boyfriend back, Superfruit and Pentatonix back.

The thought of walking back into a hospital room makes me sick.

I try to slow my breathing.

"Scott?" A small voice says.

I try to stop crying but can't. 

"Are you okay?"

I hear the fatigue in his voice.

"Please talk to me."

I sit up. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay..." he looks down.

"I just got angry... must be-"

"Obviously."

I'm taken aback at his harsh tone.

"Are they gone?"

"Yeah, you scared them off."

I wipe my eyes. "What? I know, I'm sorry, you know the meds-"

"It's not the meds. You've changed, Scott."

I clear my throat. "It's a little hard not to when you're seeing dead people, Mitch."

He purses his lips. "I... I think we both need some alone time."

My face falls. "I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"Tired? I know you are. You always are. You're always tired and angry-"

"Go."

He steps closer to me. "Look, I'm sorry, can we just-"

"Go."

He nods. "Okay. I'm going."

I feel my stomach twist into a knot.

I hear the front door open and slam shut.

The living room gets quiet.

I blankly stare at the open door.

Kirstie runs into the room. "What- what happened? Are you okay?"

I bite my lip.

"What just happened? He just-"

Tears run down my face. "He's tired of me. He said he needs some alone time."

Kirstie pulls me into a hug. "Okay... Avi and Kev went to talk to him. It's okay..."

I look at the floor. "Maybe if it was stage four..."

Kirstie audibly gasps. "Scott! I should beat you with my belt. Never say that again, do you hear me? It's gonna be hard on him, he's afraid of losing his best friend and the love of his life."

"Kirst... I'm gonna be ugly... my hair..."

"Oh, okay, Mr. Perfectly Chiseled Face."

I smile. "Thanks."

"You always wear hats, anyway. You'll be fine. And you already don't have eyebrows sooo..."

My face falls. "Are you kidding."

She giggles. "Sorry. I have a doctor's appointment. Call me if you need me."

"Okay, bye Kirst!"

I get out my laptop and start uploading some of the vlogs Mitch made.

I add our intro and begin cutting the video where I want it.

I smile when I watch our little car karaoke but my heart frowns.

Damn, I really loved him.

It takes about an hour and a half to edit the whole thing and then I begin uploading.

I fall back on my bed in exhaustion afterwards and decide to take a nap.

Maybe if I dream hard enough, I'll have my boyfriend back.