D R O W N

chasing childhood

we ran through the long grass, that itched and scratched and tore our clothes.
and you laughed as my sister fell over and landed hard. but she smiled as she got up with tears in her eyes.

we were chasing kites and chasing childhood.

it was wasted on you and your solemness. your childhood had been over for a long time.

but we weren't to know that as we played in the grass and ate the blackberries we had picked from the horse paddock near the park.
you smiled with a stained tongue and a missing tooth that had been knocked out when you fell off your skateboard down the big hill.
i smiled with stained lips and a cut from where you punched me accidentally on purpose when you got mad and we didn't tell my parents.

your childhood was filled with days like this and nights of crying in your bedroom.
i could hear it from my bathroom next door sitting quietly in the lukewarm bath.
the walls are so thin.
but i never asked because when i did once you got angry and didn't talk to me for a week.

i miss your tousled brown hair and gap toothed smile.
i miss your short temper and sweet forgiveness.
i miss the day we rode our bikes all around the park because you needed to get out.
i miss you sharing new music with me that had swear words and you made me block my ears when it cursed.
i miss your laugh and that freckle above your eye.
i miss sitting on the fence between our houses that mum said would fall over one day but i did it anyway. i got splinters but i didn't care, because you always met me there in the afternoon after lunch so we could do something.

you hated being in your house. i never understood why. now i do. i hate it too.

i miss you.
now when i see you, it's tight smiles and bruises that never go away. it's passing on the street and pretending we don't know each other. it's you pretending you didn't hear me cry over the loud music i played last night and me pretending i don't see the black eye that you have.

i want to go back to chasing kites and chasing childhood.

i want to go back to before.