Comatose {PruAus}

Chapter 1

(This story is based purely off of headcanons I've seen and headcanons of my own so it may not be historically accurate)

17, August 1786

 ...Old Fritz passed today. I miss him already. He...made me who I am. He made me the Great Prussia. He brought me to the peak of my military power. He made me a leading military power... My territory was widest it had ever been before. I'm going to miss him... He was almost like a father to me. As close as a nation could come to having a parent, that is.

 He taught me the flute...I'll never forget that. I'll never forget how to play, either. He wrote so many flute sonnets, and I've learned at least half. He also taught me French. He's done so much for me and, Gott...I don't want to let him down.

 I don't even know how to express my grief. Not in my writing. I've been crying for so long now... And knowing he's passed while I'm still...still young and healthy...

It just isn't fair. I'll...see you sometime, Old Fritz. Danke.

9, June 1867

Yesterday Elizabeta and Roderich got married. I was asked to serve in the wedding, which was the only reason I went. Gott...I couldn't have been more embarrassed. The entire time, I was either in or near tears. I passed it off as happiness but the truth was that it was the complete and utter opposite. How many times will I have to watch others be happy around me? How many times will I have to watch people surrounded by others?

I don't know if I can keep this up... I tell myself that crowds are boring and unawesome but..gott, I hate being alone. I hate it more than anything except one thing... How many times will I have to watch Roderich love and marry while I sit to the side, unnoticed unless we were fighting. For so long I thought I had been jealous of them because of Elizabeta. I thought I loved the Hungarian female... but that wasn't the case. All this time it had been Roderich.

 Gott, so many times the Austrian had been married. Now it's Elizabeta and before that, Antonio. Before that, Francis. Hell, even mein own bruder got with Roderich... How could I ever compare to any of these other countries? I'm no romance country...I'm a pain in the ass. I'm stubborn and hell, even depressed. But I guess building up a wall to hide it behind came in handy. Everyone sees me as egotistical, and it hides everything. I'm not sweet like Elizabeta or as damn perfect as mein bruder...

Will I ever be good enough for Roderich? Or will he always have someone better than me to turn to? Gott, the prissy aristocrat won't even so much as acknowledge me unless I make myself known, and that leads to battles beyond belief. The last one was...so hard. The War of Austrian Succession, I think they called it. Even before that...I've still all the scars from the Battle of Kunersdorf. Gott...I doubt I could even win over Roderich's heart no matter what I do. I can't try...not when he's with Eliza. I've already fucked up enough, I can't ruin their relationship.

I guess I'll further wait. I can't...tell him. Not in person, at least. But...Ich liebe dich, Roderich.

Gilbert let his red eyes fall shut as he remembered the day Roderich and Elizabeta had gotten married. At the wedding, he stood to the side, upset and hurting. Numerous people asked if he was alright, but the same lie spilled from his lips automatically every time. "I'm fine. I'm just really happy for them." It pained the Prussian to say because of how false it was. Yes, he was happy Roderich was happy but watching him get married again and again... Old Fritz had been dead by that time and Gilbert felt more alone than ever.

The Prussian let out a groan as he turned in his bed and stared at the wall. He buried himself in the blankets and tried to force himself to focus on a happier memory, but it only went to the next one.

11, November 1918

The world's biggest war has ended today. I think they're calling it World War I, or something like that. "The War to End All Wars". I worked my hardest to stay out of this one, but I just couldn't. It was West, Roderich, and Elizabeta versus the Allies. I couldn't possibly watch mein bruder and friends fight while I stood to the side. Eventually, I manned up and joined in the fighting, but I stayed far away from the front lines.

This wasn't my war. I had no place in it, but I fought alongside mein bruder. So for that, I suffer along with him the harsh punishments the Allies put onto us. Gott, we weren't even the ones who caused the war, yet we were the ones who they punished. The damn Treaty of Versailles....why were we so harshly numbered out? Broken apart into many, many different nations, ones of which too weak to defend themselves against neighboring powers!

West is in terrible condition, as he follows the condition of his economy. The economy is terrible, and we owe so much to the Allies.... It isn't fair, not in the least. But at least, Roderich and Elizabeta divorced a month before the end of the war. That's at least a little light to the situation. It's selfish but...I'm back in the picture now.

For how long...? How long will Roderich go without marriage this time? Surely not long. He'll have married all of Europe before he even notices how I feel.

 Hah...I'm in a post war depression with mein bruder and all I can think about is stupid love and the priss... Ich liebe dich, Roderich. I thought you should know.

A frown made its way onto the Prussian's face even more so than it had been before. He remembered what harsh restrictions they had put on his brother, and how it led to World War II. Gott, if the memories just kept going in order, Gilbert wasn't going to get any sleep at all.

30, January 1933

A new Chancellor has risen to power. His name is Adolf Hitler. He looks very promising and the Germans like him a lot. I have my suspicions about Hitler, but I think he will do our country well. I haven't yet read his book, but I plan to. I'm sure it is full of his great plans for the country of Germany. I'll see to it that West gets the very best of treatments. He deserves it, after all.

Looking at Ludwig...you'd never have thought he'd be under so much stress. After being wrongfully blamed for War, he's had to work as a human rather than a country. I've been helping him out as best as I can in terms of country work. Poor West... He's worked so hard throughout his entire life. He's been damn near perfect, and this is how the world repays him. I wish I could be a better bruder to him. Maybe one day...one day I can prove myself to him.

I know he doesn't remember being Holy Rome but...I remember it. I should've been a better bruder then, but I was given another chance and gott, I can't blow it this time! I'm still doing a lousy job... One day, West. I'll make you proud of me.

Gilbert's mind shifted back to his brother. He wondered how Ludwig was doing. Of course, he doubted his brother was even the slightest bit concerned about him. Ludwig never actually forgave him for what he did...and now he'd probably never get to see him again. Another sigh escaped his lips as he stood up and walked to the window. He sat himself on the window sill as best as he could and leaned his head against the cool glass. He was glad he decided to keep a blanket wrapped around him. He'd probably have freezed otherwise.

The Prussian let out a groan and buried his face in his hands to try to stop the tears welling in his eyes. Gott, he was such a terrible brother. He was supposed to protect his little brother, not cause him hell! Every single thing that had happened to Ludwig since the beginning of the war was entirely Gilbert's fault. He knew it, and he'd never forgive himself for it. He couldn't take it. Gilbert had let down Holy Rome, and now he was letting down Ludwig. How many more people could possibly hate him? How many more people he loved did he have to watch walk away?

He missed everyone...but Gilbert was almost certain no one missed him. After all, he was the cause of Ludwig's and his own misfortune. Now he was trapped behind a wall, sobbing pathetically into his hands like a damsel in distress. It wasn't the first time. Gilbert cried himself to sleep on many occasions. This was just one of them.