pen pal ; 5sos ..discontinued

7

Dear Michael,

I'm sad again.

I don't know if you and the boys know but i used to suffer from depression and anxiety. Growing up without my parents and then having them come into my life just caused so much problems for me, and getting your parents back is supposed to be a good thing, but I grew attached to my foster parents and leaving them killed me.

On top of that, i was always bullied because i didn't fit the image of "beautiful." I was never one of the perfect girls with long blonde hair. They hated me and it made me hate myself. I lost all control over myself, and my thoughts. So i looked for something to make me happy and i found music, i found Hemmo1996.  I didn't know how or why but I instantly felt a connection to Luke and then he brought you guys onto his channel and each one of you made me feel something i never felt before.

Luke made me feel safe. The way he let out all of his emotions when he sang made me feel like he wasn't afraid. He made me feel safe in my shitty life. When he sang it was like the whole world stopped and it was just me and him. No one has ever made me feel like that before.

Calum made me feel comfortable. The way he wasn't afraid to be his goofy self made me comfortable to be myself, even though society forbids uniqueness, I was able to be different. When he danced around and made his stupid little jokes, I felt like myself. I was okay.

Ashton made me feel like everything would be okay. When he played his drums and let everything out of him, you could see all his stress instantly float away. He gave me hope that no matter how hard things get, if i do what I love and become what I want, I'll be just fine.

Now you Michael, you made me feel whole. The feeling you gave me was indescribable. The first video I ever seen you in, I knew that you'd be special. You made me feel complete, like you were the little piece of my heart missing. When you were in my sight, I was whole, I was happy.

Then there was the fans. We all got along so well because we all had something in common. We all found the one thing that was right in front of us. The on thing that made us stay up all night, binge watching their videos. The one thing that gave us endless smiles, and the thing that made us realize that everything was going to be okay.

I didn't realize it in the beginning but one day out of nowhere it seemed like we were all meant to be together, and for once in my life everything seemed to be falling into place, and everything seemed to make sense. We made you guys stronger and you guys made us stronger, We never gave up on each other because we were a family.

Then 'colorfulashton'  was created. At first I used the page just to express my feelings, then people started following me, expecting a fanpage, so that's exactly what i gave them. Over the first year and a half I gained followers gradually, until the day you noticed me. Then my followings went crazy. Then all you guys tweeting me and then following me, it made people jealous so they started sending me hate in my dms. I never told anyone because it was pointless. But I still was always able to speak to you guys at the end of the day and that's what kept me going.

So I just wanted to say thank you and the boys for always making me smile, and giving me a reason to live. I love you guys so much.

Sincerely,
Your Best Friend

****
um, idk. is this good?
but anyways this chapter is dedicated to AuussieFreaks
she called herself a "desperate fan" lmao I don't have fans hun, but thanks for the support. I love you. <3