Half a Heart | Niam Horayne |

| Chapter One |

Present Day - Niall's Point of View

I woke up engulfed in Liam's sweater, like always. I know I should've given it back, but why would I do that? He took the happy half of my heart, so I get his purple sweater. It keeps me a sense of tranquility, and happiness. And happiness is a rare feeling for me ever since Liam cheated on me. I know, I'm sort of wallowing a pit in self pity, but I can't help it, I'm sad. So sad, that I end up going to drastic measures that drain the emotional pain away. People wouldn't understand, I barely understand how it makes me feel better.

What I think feels the best is looking at the scars left behind and knowing I'm a human being and can feel happy for once. Yes, destroying the smooth and fragile skin on my body makes me happy. Unleashing the scars on my heart to the outside of my body. It gives me sort of a feeling of control, something that's hard to feel when you're just a nerd that nobody likes. That nobody cares about. I'm just a worthless waste of space. I'm just Niall Horan.

I sighed as I pulled the sweater off of my body and tossed it in the hamper, and studied my reflection of my mirror. Disgusting, horrific, ugly, the list goes on. I'm quite a depressing and moody person, I know. Can't help it. The thing is though, I am very displeased with my reflection. The thing in front of my is covered in scars and cuts and most are from me, and some of the cuts and bruises are from Liam's friends. Now my bullies.

Ugh, I hate people.

Ugh, I hate myself.

Ugh, I hate my life.

I sighed as I slipped a dark grey sweater that took form of my small frame as I also put on a pear of black skinny jeans and red high-tops. Last, and very least, this all lead to the dark framed and oh-to-big nerd glasses I had to wear, as you can tell, I'm not the most... Attractive person. I guess that's why Liam cheated on me.

Liam...

My heart still clenches at the name, but I can't help but feel butterflies when I hear, or even think it. We didn't kiss quite yet, he said he wanted it to be special since I've never had my first kiss, but I guess the sad actuality is because he didn't like me and he probably thought it was revolting to just think about it. I was just his toy, a little game that he could have fun with.

I hate him.

No, I love him.

Still...

What I never truly understood is why he did it though. He could've done it with anyone, and I mean anyone, but no. He picks on the weaker man, the one who is already having a tough life. I love him though, I can't help it. He gave me attention, and was so sweet, and even though I was just nothing to him... I can't help but feel the things I feel. I just... I just love him. I think. That's how I think that's how I feel. No other way to describe it.

Ugh, what am I thinking? He hates me. I'm worthless. I ran my hands through my newly-dyed lilac hair. It smells like strawberries and tangerines from my shampoo, it's quite soft also. What? You can't judge me. Wait, yes you can, but... I rather you didn't. Free country though, say what you must. Sorry for the depressing attitude, must be because I'm a depressed person. Sigh.

I hate life.

That's why I have a special journal, and in that special journal, I write down ways I could kill myself. This idea was given to me by one of Liam's best friends, Josh Devine, also known as one of my bullies. On my birthday, just before Liam and I started dating, he gave it to me and simply said, "Here's a joural. Maybe you could write down ways to end your pathetic life," And simply left. Those words only dug into my depressed emotions. Oh well, I'm not worth it.

Worthless.

I sigh as I brush my teeth and soon finish as I swing my backpack over my shoulders, preparing myself for Hell. Also known as school. My mum has been working lately and I don't have a dad which just leads me to having to walk. As I jog downstairs I search for a coat. It's December and it's below freezing. As I look for a coat I realize that I let Greg use it. Dang it! Oh well, walking can't be too bad.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ( Time Skip )

I was wrong, oh so very wrong. Walking was horrid! I'm freezing and it's snowing and I'm not even at school yet, okay maybe like a block away, but still! I'm going to get a cold and, ugh, I hate my life with a burning passion. I also managed to slip on a patch of ice, so now my previous black eye was now interrupted in its healing process and is probably looks worse than it looked before. As I managed to walk to school I stepped inside, cautiously may I add, and at at an empty table and nuzzled my head into my arms. I am so tired, tired of everything.

"Hey, fag!" Not today, c'mon, seriously? I looked up to see Josh Devine, I hate that guy. Well, maybe I wouldn't if he actually took time to know me instead of hurting me until my body's numb. Also the fact that I cry every night because of him,... And Liam. "Y-Yes?" I stuttered out nervously and he just laughed. "W-Well," He imitated me. Jerk, "You're going to meet me after class before lunch, so I can teach your bitch ass a lesson," Whoa, he as a way of using naughty words. "Oh, o-okay," I said nervously, knowing this was only going to end in pain. "And if you don't, I'll find you, and make things worse," He warned as the bell rung and he walked away.