Half a Heart | Niam Horayne |

| Chapter Eight |

I awoke Saturday morning exhausted. You see, I’m the type of person who is very tired after they self harm. Last night I self harmed much more than I usually did. If you’re wondering why, I hope you didn’t forget Josh almost raped me. I was so upset by the things he tried doing to me and I have hand prints bruised on my arms because of him.

At least he didn’t even get the chance to steal my lip virginity.

Speaking of last night’s experience, it was pretty crazy I suppose… Want to know what really sucks though? The blood bled through my sleeves and now is sticking to the fabric of my shirt. This is going to be horribly painful to take off. I sighed as I got up and walked in to my bathroom and ran the faucet, hoping to get some of it to loosen off and hopefully liquefy to ease the pain; but to no avail.

I bit my lip as I grasped the fabric of my shirt and counted down and ripped it off my body quickly. My arms burned and stung and I grasped them, looking down I saw that the wounds reopened and were now bleeding. “Niall!” My mother yelled, “You have a visitor,” She gushed, “I’ll send him up to your room, okay sweetie?” What, no. (A/N: Remember when Niall accidentally tweeted “What   No.” Okay, sorry. Continue reading.) “Mom, no! Please don’t!” I yelled nervously and she shouted back, “Niall James Horan. Don’t you be rude, I’m sending him up right now. You better be nice to your guest!” I sighed. What am I going to do?

I tossed my bloody shirt in a pile of dirty clothing, piling some other clothing over it just in case. I wash my own laundry, anyway. What am I going to do? How am I going to cover my new cuts? I heard a knock on the bathroom door, “Who is it?” My hoarse voice asked, gosh my throat is sore. “Niall? Are you okay?” A familiar voice asked. Oh no. No. NO. Not now, “Liam?” I asked timidly. “Yes, Nialler?” Nialler? I ignored the nickname and asked, “I’m about to take a shower, could you please grab a sweater? I won’t take long,” I pleaded. I heard some shuffling and then a knock on my door, “I got you a sweater and a pair of sweatpants, um, I also grabbed you your glasses. Just in case,” He said sweetly.

I cracked the door open, “Thanks,” I said sticking out my hand making sure my arm didn’t go out the door. He looked at me suspiciously but set the items in my hands nevertheless. I quickly shut and locked the door, stripping myself from my clothing. I took my shower and finished quickly, making sure I was clean and smelling fresh, of course. I dried myself and just left my hair down, jeez, I need to cut it. I put my red sweat pants which were like skinny jeans but sweatpants and then put my baggy black sweater on.

I dried my hair, definitely cutting it soon, along with dying it blonde again. I exited the bathroom and saw that Liam was sitting on my bed and I looked at him, I have to admit ( as much as I hate to ) he looks very adorable. “Erhm, hi,” I said awkwardly. He smiled, scooting over and patting the spot next to him, signaling he wanted me to sit by him. I obliged shyly and made my over next to him and sat a safe distance away from him. “Hey,” He said and I replied with a quiet, “Hi.”

“So, you do know there’s blood on your bed, right?”

I grew panicky and bit my lip. “W-What?” I stuttered.

“Yup, there’s blood on your bed. It looks quite fresh too,” He said pointing between us and it was little dots of blood, I just looked at my lap, playing with my hands. “There’s some over here too,” He said pointing a little ways away. I looked at him, “Did you come here just to make you feel bad or what?” I said quite snippily making me feel a bit bad. He sighed, gently placing a hand on my shoulder, causing me to tense up a bit. “No, I came here for answers,” He answered simply, looking a bit upset.

“Well,” I said with a sigh, “You can’t just reappear in my life and just expect me to confide to you my darkest secrets,” I told him. “You could if you wanted to, though,” He said eyeing me cautiously, not wanting me to snap. “But I won’t,” I said crossing my arms. “What if I convince you?” He asked and I laughed halfheartedly. “And how will you do that exactly?” I asked, looking at him as if he was crazy.

“I’ll be your friend,” He smirked, “Maybe more depending on if you can learn to trust me,” He quietly said, sliding his hand from my shoulder to the middle of my back. I gulped, growing nervous. “What if I don’t want to be your friend?” I asked my breathing becoming shallow and timid. “Then we’ll be more,” He said confidently, moving his hand from the middle of my back to my waist, giving a small squeeze and I blushed, I have no clue why I haven’t stopped him yet. I shouldn’t enjoy this either, he wants me to trust him. He’ll betray me..

“B-But what if I don’t want to be m-more?” I stuttered, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach. “I know you want more,” He said looking down at me and I looked in his eyes for the first time since he arrived, and I could just get lost in those beautiful brown orbs with hints of gold flecks that you wouldn’t be able to notice if you were far away or didn’t study his details. I can’t have these thoughts, I can’t fall for him again. I’ll get hurt again… “Liam, I don’t… I-I can’t,” I said lightly taking his hand, and removing it from my waist.

“Why not?” He asked curiously, slightly hurt. “I don’t want to be hurt again,” I said sadly, tears pricking my eyes. “I won’t hurt you this time, I really like you! I always have, I only did that with Sophia because I was nervous of coming out!” He exclaimed. “You don’t like me,” I said shaking my head. “You pity at me because I’m a pathetic ugly boy who cuts him self. You don’t like me,” I sighed feeling more depressed, when I explained to him,.. And myself.

“No, Niall I-“ He tried to reason but I cut him off. “Can I just have time to think about this? I’ll talk to you about this on Monday.” I said feeling the tears build up in my eyes. He sighed and nodded, biting his lip and getting up and opening the door and looking back at me, “I’ll see you Monday, Nialler,” He said softly. I waved goodbye and he left, closing the door. I laid back in my bed and put my hands over my eyes that where currently producing small tracks of tears.

What have I gotten myself in to?