Runaway Scars - Frerard

Chapter 11

Frank gazed out the window as they drove for what seemed like hours. He didn't know what to say or do, because really, he wasn't even sure how he felt anymore. And he hated that; he hated how Gerard made him feel so vulnerable and confused and unsure of himself. It was just like when they first met, only worse, because now he knew that Gerard felt the same way.

    At least, he HOPED he did...

    After a while, Gerard found a clear spot on the side of the road and pulled over. He turned to Frank and took his hand, knowing damn well it was still freezing from being outside, and squeezing it to warm it up. Frank turned his head to look up, his eyes still red and sort of crying.

    "Do you wanna talk about it?" Gerard asked softly, unbuckling himself and moving closer to him. Frank looked down and shrugged. "I'm taking that as a yes." He continued.

    Frank lifted his head up and shook his head. "I'm not a little kid." He said quietly.

    "What?" Gerard questioned, "I know you're not. Why would you say that?"

    "Because you're TREATING me like it!" Frank snapped suddenly. "I can do some stuff on my own, Gerard. I don't need anyone...I...I don't need...I don't need YOU..." he suddenly burst into tears again and turned away from Gerard.

    "Of course you don't need me." Gerard replied after a moment. Frank paused and glanced back at him. "Yeah, you don't need me. Okay. You were crying out there, probably regretting running away again for whatever reason, but you didn't need ME. Then what DID you need, Frank? Huh?"

    Frank didn't reply, and instead stared shamefully down at the floor and thought. It was silent for a long time. He didn't even know what he was saying anymore; things were just coming out and he didn't want them to, but they were.

    "I just..." Gerard began finally, shaking his head, "I wish you'd trust me, Frank."

    "I do, Gerard," he replied, meeting his eyes again, "And that's the problem." He paused and took a deep breath, carefully picking out his words this time. "I saw Jimmy today. Your friend, Jimmy."

    "Where? How? When?" Gerard questioned urgently.

    "Today, at the junkyard." Frank replied, "He...he yelled at me and made fun of us. God, Gerard, it—it was like people at school only worse because I know you side with him."

    Gerard sighed, holding his head in his hands. "God dammit..." he mumbled. "I should have told you not to go without me." He finally stated, looking up at Frank again. "Look, Frank, Jimmy is one of the best guys I know."

    Frank nodded. He knew what was coming next...

    "—And also one of the worst."

    ...Or maybe he didn't.

    "I'm sorry he scared you off."

    "Why are you dating me?!" Frank snapped suddenly, startling Gerard.

    He stared at Frank for a long moment and smiled lightly. "Because I love you."

    As if not hearing the heart felt response, Frank continued, "Jimmy kept asking me if we'd had sex yet. Is that what you want, Gerard? Well I hate to tell you this, but I'm just a fucking virgin and I don't appreciate being held onto just long enough to fuck." And of course, he was crying again. He hated himself so much right then... "I'm just...sorry..."

    Gerard didn't respond. He slowly made his way closer to Frank who was bawling again in the seat beside him. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around him until he knew it was alright, and then embraced him entirely. Frank nuzzled himself into Gerard's coat and hated it, because he was mad at him, along with all the other emotions going through him that were being released through tears.

     "Frank?" Gerard asked as he began to quiet down.

    "Hm?"

    Gerard pulled Frank away from him and looked into his red, puffy eyes. "I...I think that maybe we should slow down a little."

    Frank felt his heart drop a little. He swallowed. "Huh?"

    "I—I mean, it seems like things are going kinda fast and you're getting freaked out..." he paused and looked down, rubbing his eyes, but Frank knew what he was hiding. "I think it would be better for us if we went back to being friends."

    Frank's heart fully stopped then. But he was done crying. He was done being sad. Because this—this made sense. This was the moment it had all been leading up to. This was like the evil thing around the corner that he expected long ago. There it was; a few weeks late, but there it was.

    "So you—you're breaking up with me." Frank stated.

    "I'm helping you," Gerard replied, moving some of the hair out of his face, "Because if we mess this up now or go too fast, I'll lose you. And all I want is for you to be happy and safe. And...if I have to be just your friend for that to happen then it's worth it."

    Frank nodded and noticed that now, Gerard was crying. Frank wasn't, but there was Gerard, the usual strong one, wiping more tears from his eyes and looking away from him.

    "What's wrong?" Frank asked.

    Gerard grabbed onto Frank's hand and squeezed it, holding it between them and finally making eye contact. "I love you, Frank. I don't know if I could handle seeing you with someone else."

    Frank chuckled and placed his hand on the back of Gerard's neck. "See, that's the thing, Gee. I don't want anyone else. I'm gonna wait for YOU." He paused and side smiled. "That is, if YOU'LL wait for ME."

    Gerard's eyes got wide with shock and he was beaming. He nodded excitedly and replied, "I will. Frank..." he shook his head and as soon as his name left his lips, the smile and excitement was gone. "I'm so sorry. I just want what's best for you."

    Frank jumped forward and stole a kiss; a final kiss, for a while, at least. Gerard didn't hesitate to kiss back and hold him close. Because he knew it too; they had to savor it. When they separated, their eyes met and their secret language was back, just for a second.

    "Is it wrong to think that what's best for me is you?" Frank whispered.

    Gerard hesitated before responding, "No. That's why we're doing this."

    Frank nodded, and they both buckled up again, and went home.

    Things were different, but to Frank, it was almost like they were better, too. For now, at least.