Hey guys I’m so sorry for not updating.. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.. an it’s about the ending.. I thought about making a sad one but then again I think a happy one would be good.. but anyways.. please read, you’ll find the answers
~Unknown POV~
How long has it been again? Since it last happened.. I didn’t remember much.. but I know one thing.. it was fucking painful alright.. the feeling of dying inside was just.. unexplainable.. I might be bitching about it, but I’m not lying..
Around that time, I guess I was happy? I don’t know.. I guess so.. the pictures shows that.. I couldn’t explain it at all.. but around that time, I also… feel devastated.. devastated enough to think about moving away.. or maybe just committed suicide I don’t know..
People think that it’s a big deal.. but it’s not really.. for someone like me.. it’s nothing.. cause I simply have no one.. they don’t care.. I mean if I were them.. I wouldn’t either.. why would i.. I’m just a trash nobody wants to pick up.. they simply don’t care..
Why am I a trash anyways.. thinking about it simply.. cause I’m not worth that much.. I don’t have any value.. unlike some people who have it all… I was quite unlucky.. to be born with nothing.. I’m such a disgrace to humanity.. call me a hypocrite but this is my thought so deal with it..
And in a part of my life.. a boy was quite unlucky.. why did he have to fall for me.. the me who’s pathetic.. who’s pessimistic as fuck.. I don’t get it.. what did he inside me that I don’t.. maybe he fell for my sugar coated words? My fake smile?
Probably one along the lines.. It’s a bit of a let down.. how stubborn he was to protecting his feelings.. even though he should’ve just threw it away.. I’m not worth all of it.. I simply don’t.. how many anti depressant have I drank.. how many failed attempts of drowning have I failed.. how many hidden cuts have I had..
How many years has it been.. since I tried to end my life?
Someone enlighten me.. have I done something worth of praise? No of course..
Have I done a good deed in pure? No..
Have I give him what he deserves? No..
Have I broke his heart? Yeah..
And I’m doing it now.. no matter where I go.. I hurt people.. they shouldn’t stay near me.. cause nothing good comes into you, by being near me.. it’s like, I’m a walking disaster.. it’s like I’m cursed.. I shouldn’t have hoped too much.. life isn’t an easy one..
Life’s a bitch who constantly throw daggers at you.. they throw it behind your back.. that’s why you can either grow from it.. or take a blade and stab one in your heart.. and that’s what I’ve been doing.. but I’m just not lucky enough.. to hit the vitals.. I always missed..
why? Cause god likes to see me suffering from above.. I’m sure people are laughing.. I’m like an attraction in a circus freak show.. it’s like people pay just to see me suffer.. that’s why this is so messed up.. cause in order to have a good life, one of us needs to suffer..
And unfortunately I’m the victim.. it’s like I’m destined to be one.. it’s like I’m born just for this sole role.. a role no one wants to take.. I mean who wants to take it.. it’s just terrible.. you get teased all your life.. sometimes you’re able to feel a bit of happiness and then again.. it was just a bit of attraction so the pain you would feel later on would be more real..
That’s how my life is.. simply a game for the rich.. that’s why I want it to end.. but why isn’t it ending?
Can someone tell me why.. tell me why am I still feeling pain.. why am I still feeling cold.. why am I in here? In this back alley.. getting punched all over.. when I didn’t do anything.. Won’t you be so kind to just kill me here?
YOU ARE READING
30 Days (NamJin)
FanfictionWe were best friends since middle school.. Even in high school it was supposed to stay the same.. If I didn't feel this way towards you.. But the saddest part is that you're taken.. So let's end this, shall we?