Not Dead

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Hey guys I’m so sorry for not updating.. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.. an it’s about the ending.. I thought about making a sad one but then again I think a happy one would be good.. but anyways.. please read, you’ll find the answers  

~Unknown POV~

How long has it been again? Since it last happened.. I didn’t remember much.. but I know one thing.. it was fucking painful alright.. the feeling of dying inside was just.. unexplainable.. I might be bitching about it, but I’m not lying..

Around that time, I guess I was happy? I don’t know.. I guess so.. the pictures shows that.. I couldn’t explain it at all.. but around that time, I also… feel devastated.. devastated enough to think about moving away.. or maybe just committed suicide I don’t know..

People think that it’s a big deal.. but it’s not really.. for someone like me.. it’s nothing.. cause I simply have no one.. they don’t care.. I mean if I were them.. I wouldn’t either.. why would i.. I’m just a trash nobody wants to pick up.. they simply don’t care..

Why am I a trash anyways.. thinking about it simply.. cause I’m not worth that much.. I don’t have any value.. unlike some people who have it all… I was quite unlucky.. to be born with nothing.. I’m such a disgrace to humanity.. call me a hypocrite but this is my thought so deal with it..

And in a part of my life.. a boy was quite unlucky.. why did he have to fall for me.. the me who’s pathetic.. who’s pessimistic as fuck.. I don’t get it.. what did he inside me that I don’t.. maybe he fell for my sugar coated words? My fake smile?

Probably one along the lines.. It’s a bit of a let down.. how stubborn he was to protecting his feelings.. even though he should’ve just threw it away.. I’m not worth all of it.. I simply don’t.. how many anti depressant have I drank.. how many failed attempts of drowning have I failed.. how many hidden cuts have I had..

How many years has it been.. since I tried to end my life?

Someone enlighten me.. have I done something worth of praise? No of course..

Have I done a good deed in pure? No..

Have I give him what he deserves? No..

Have I broke his heart? Yeah..

And I’m doing it now.. no matter where I go.. I hurt people.. they shouldn’t stay near me.. cause nothing good comes into you, by being near me.. it’s like, I’m a walking disaster.. it’s like I’m cursed.. I shouldn’t have hoped too much.. life isn’t an easy one..

Life’s a bitch who constantly throw daggers at you.. they throw it behind your back.. that’s why you can either grow from it.. or take a blade and stab one in your heart.. and that’s what I’ve been doing.. but I’m just not lucky enough.. to hit the vitals.. I always missed..

why? Cause god likes to see me suffering from above.. I’m sure people are laughing.. I’m like an attraction in a circus freak show.. it’s like people pay just to see me suffer.. that’s why this is so messed up.. cause in order to have a good life, one of us needs to suffer..

And unfortunately I’m the victim.. it’s like I’m destined to be one.. it’s like I’m born just for this sole role.. a role no one wants to take.. I mean who wants to take it.. it’s just terrible.. you get teased all your life.. sometimes you’re able to feel a bit of happiness and then again.. it was just a bit of attraction so the pain you would feel later on would be more real..

That’s how my life is.. simply a game for the rich.. that’s why I want it to end.. but why isn’t it ending?

Can someone tell me why.. tell me why am I still feeling pain.. why am I still feeling cold.. why am I in here? In this back alley.. getting punched all over.. when I didn’t do anything.. Won’t you be so kind to just kill me here?

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 12, 2016 ⏰

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