My Damned Forsaken Past

My Damned Forsaken Past ~ Chapter three

My Damned Forsaken Past

By KadgeY

3.

It starts to rain outside.

I put my key into the lock of the old apartment door, the scent of blood seeming to seep out from underneath it.

I turn the key twice. Click.

The door opens, and as sure as I am unsure about Jed, the fresh inviting smell of blood hits me with a tidal wave of euphoria. Jed pushes me aside sharply, stepping forward  and raising his head to the scent. His face looks paler.

We follow it the lounge room, where Henry sits cradling a young brunette woman, her head nestled against Henry's chest.

His teeth are dug into the side of her neck and his mouth is smothered in her blood, his eyes frenzied like a wild animal. The sight doesn't faze me much. I have seen Henry feed before, numerous times.

Jed freezes, his fangs shooting from his gums fiercely, a torn expression on his face. He swallows dryly, despite himself.

Henry looks up from his meal, overlooking Jed and focusing on me. An ecstatic smile lights up his face, I notice he is wearing a different shirt, one without a hole in the front of it.

"I guess you didn't feed him yet, did you?" He asks me, and I sigh a little. He doesn't look angry at me though, simply like he expected no less, because he knows me.

"No, I didn't. Sorry." I say, in a small voice.

"Well if he wants the rest he'll have to act fast." Henry says in a playful tone, his eyes warm. Jed looks at him, troubled.

"Jed." He says quickly, looking back down at the girl. Henry gives me a quizzical look.

"That's his name." I answer, quietly. But if Jed hears us, he doesn't show it.

"Please do then, Jed." Henry says, standing up and gesturing with his hands to the unconscious girl.

Jed moves fast, perching himself silently next to her, he takes her in his arms and puts one hand behind her head, turning her to face him as if he were about to plant a kiss on her tender neck.

But then he stops, drawing in unneeded breath. His eyes widen.

"I- I know this girl..." He says, looking past Henry to me. I can see it in his eyes though, the pain, and the hunger. I frown slightly.

"She works at the sandwich bar..." The corner of his lip twitches, almost impatiently.

I can tell he wants me to make this decision for him, so I smile encouragingly.

"She'll start to change if you don't drink soon, though." I say, trying to keep my voice soft.

Jed turns back to the girl, with her heart beating like that of a tiny birds. But slowly, ever so slowly, he leans in and lets his fangs sink into her.

He feeds from her the way a lifelong vegetarian would when sitting down to a steak for the first time, after starving for a month.

I lock the front door afterwards.

"The sun will be rising in an hour." I say to Henry, who nods at me.

"I know, Spike." He says.

• • •

I open my eyes, my vision blurry.

What woke me? I hear the knocking on the door. It must be the middle of the day, at least.

I pull on a pair of worn jeans and check my hair in the mirror, moving to the front door.

"Uh... Who is it?" I ask, but my voice sounds distant, even to my ears.

There is no reply, and I stand there for a long moment, not daring to look through the spy hole for fear of the sun.

Then the stranger knocks again.

"I'll let you in, if you tell me who you are." I say, meaning to sound firm but coming across whispery.

"Seth." The stranger says, in a boyish voice not all that different to my own, but it's almost as if he's asking instead of answering. I get behind the door and open it inwards briskly, making sure to it as soon as he is inside.

I turn to look at the boy.

The boy not only sounds a bit like me, but he looks like me too. He looks an awful lot like me. I couldn't tell you exactly how much silence passes, filling the awkward space between us.

I close my awestruck mouth. Seth smiles at me.

"You look paler." He says, and again I am astounded by how much he does sounds exactly like me. I look over to the dusty mirror, watching my reflection carefully. It's true though, in comparison to the look-alike boy, my skin is so much more pallid and colourless, it's almost sickly looking. I reach up with my hand in a flash of curiosity to touch my face, but regain rationality quickly as I remember Seth is watching me. I tear my gaze from the mirror and back to him.

Then Seth moves to the door, and I can't do anything but just stand there staring at him, rooted to the spot, unable to move.

He opens the door, and in a harsh flash of brilliant burning sunlight I am reduced to nothing more than a pile of ash.

But then I wake up.

• • •

The dream leaves me feeling somewhat empty and forlorn inside, almost exhausted.

Seth's eyes are still looking at me, his subdued surprise and subtle disappointment bumping around in my head. The worst part being the feeling of it, because it all feels so wrong to me.

None of it feels like a dream but rather a forgotten truth. The streets are damp and despite my inability to feel the cold, a shiver dances up my spine.

But then realization hits me with the force equal to that of a speeding bullet.

Vampires don't dream.

I most certainly do not dream. And yet, that's what is was, wasn't it? It was a dream. I had a dream.

I had a dream. I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea. All the possible horrible reasons why I could be the only vampire to dream form themselves inside my head, creating an anxious knot that twists itself perfectly in the pit of my stomach.

"I can't do it." Jed says, his sudden voice bringing me back to the here and now. The streets are dark and gloomy, the atmosphere filled with an almost flat sort of misery.

I stop walking.

"Can't do what?" I ask, trying to stay completely monotonous.

"This." He says, and his voice is so soft and dripping with emotion. "All of this. I can't roam around at night and suck the life out of innocent people. I can't be like this, Spike, like them." He breathes in again, despite the fact he has no need for breath.

"Like you."

I don't turn to face Jed.

I try not to let his words affect me. I try not to seethe. I try not to let the impact of everything sink in, because it feels useless.

I feel useless.

It's not as if Jed's wrong either, he shouldn't have to be like me. That's my fault, but I don't want him gone now. I know I shouldn't of put him through all the pain I did, but I have. And yet a part of me is glad to have a friend, if I can even call Jed that.

I try, but the weight settles deep in my heart.

"Then don't." I say, closing my eyes in a brief moment of apprehension.

Water trickles down the dirty red bricks and onto the cobblestone floor, dogs bark in the near distance, the shouts of an angry intoxicated man are carried to my ears.

And yet the wait for a reply seems to be an eternity.