It's probably some German guy in his grandma's basement, who probably has to stop typing every fifteen letters to scratch his balls, also he's saving up for a backscratcher. And he lives off unemployment money, and one day his grandma dies and she's stinking up the whole house but does he care? No, because this fanfic isn't going to write itself, also, he keeps getting retirement money because the officials don't know his grandma is dead, so then he saves up all his money for ten years and then finally gets a backscratcher before coming home and tripping over his grandma's dead body. And then he falls flat on his face and looks sadly at the back scratcher he never got to use, then holds it close to his face and whispers "you're the only thing that ever meant anything to me besides the eighteenth president of the United States of America, which is really odd since I'm German and not once been to America, but, whatever, I was probably going to use you to scratch my balls to be honest with you..." Then he'd raise it to his lips and softly kiss it before realizing he just fucking tripped and literally can get up whenever. So he stands up and walks to his grandma's room, where he would pick out the only shirt she had that didn't have saggy boob holes, and put it on, then he picks out a pair of pants that doesn't have a space for his grandma's padded ass and silently scratches his back, staring into the mirror, seeing only his dead grandma staring back. He solemnly nods his head and knows what he has to do. He silently picks up his backscratcher and holds it out in front of him as he walked back to his grandma's corpse and gently sets the backscratcher in her mouth, he then shuts her eyes and pees into her belly button, because he really had to go, he didn't pay his water bill for ten years while he was saving up for the backscratcher, anyways after that he carries her corpse outside and buries her deep within the ground, along with all his other hopes and dreams, finally, she can peacefully rest, and scratch her back, without having to worry about her German grandson and his itchy balls. He walks away from the grave, marking it with a single potato seed, he solemnly drinks... He's too poor to afford beer and doesn't have running water... He drinks his emergency stockpile of tomatoes with a curly straw, after he's done grieving he goes out to get a job, he eventually finds a place that's hiring, unfortunately, he's still wearing his grandma's clothes that are now covered in tomato juice and... Oh, no, his biggest rival from high school is the employer, he sucks it up and asks for an interview anyway. At the interview he is asked where he lives, if he's married, if he has kids. When he answers, he gets laughed at and thrown out, but not before the interviewer gropes his diapered bum,
