Live-In Nanny Wanted! (Frerard)

Talking and the Dream(?)

  Later that night, Gerard and I are sitting in my room holding the girls and sitting on my bed. He looks extremely nervous as fuck and I feel bad about it, but I'm nervous, too.

"Frank, if this is about me kissing you last night, then, well, I'm not sorry, but I promise it won't happen again," he says quietly after a while. I look up at him and give him a smile, because he's cute and his words were adorable, but I shake my head.

"It wasn't about that," I say, and his shoulders slump, relaxed now. "It's actually about your job here." He nods at me to go on. I sighed, running my hand through my hair and thinking for a brief moment that I should probably get a haircut soon. "Look, if the guys and I decided to take that second tour, I don't want you to feel obligated to stay here and look after the girls. I want you to pursue your own goals and achieve them and all that, you know?" He nods, looking back down at Lily in his lap.

"Who would look after them, though?" He asked quietly. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. I'd have to find someone else," I mumbled.

"I don't want to leave you guys."

"I don't want you to be stuck here for months on end because you're taking care of my kids. I want you to experience things, Gerard. And even if I don't go on another tour, then I don't know what you'd be doing here," I say. He shoots his head back up to look at me. I think I fucked up the way I worded that sentence and I felt like a piece of shit. "That came out bad. What I mean, is that your job of helping me with my girls would be done, I guess." I scooted closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder.

"I want to stay here, Frank. With you and the girls. I want to be a family and I may not have that right, to say that, but this life is what I want," he said, making me look up at him. I must've died and gone to heaven, because if I heard what I think I just heard, I must be dead. That, or drugged out of my fucking mind.

"Gerard-"

"Look, I know your kids come first and I'm not trying to get in the way of that, but can you at least let me make my own decision's and then talk about them with you?" He asks. Slowly, I nod.

"I have people who pay me to make them something and people who buy what I sell online. I'm not saying it's a stable thing or anything, but it makes me happy that so many people want my art and I'm working with that right now. I'm eighteen, Frank. I got enough time to achieve the things I want. What I want to do right now, is help take care of the girls, date the hell out of you, and maybe one day be a part of your family," he says, sighing in relief. It was as if he's always wanted to say that. I stare blankly at him.

"You want to date me?" I finally say. Wow, all that shit he said and that's what I'm going for? You're fucking amazing, Frank. I hope you know that. He laughs softly, more of a nose exhale, if I'm being honest. It's like texting 'lol' when you actually just exhale from your nose. Personally, I hate texting and prefer to call and I'm also getting off topic.

"Well, I don't just put my lips on anyone, you know." I nod. Okay, I feel that.

"I don't think a relationship right now would be good, so maybe we give it some time, yeah?" I asked. He nods.

"That's fair." We stayed like that for a while, my head on his shoulder and sitting with the girls in our laps. It was a good life, which made me dread going on tour. This was the very first time I'd be doing something like this with kids, and I was nervous. But I trusted Gerard to look after them, and Mikey would probably be here to help since it was summer vacation for him, but eventually he'd have to return. I think about how big the house and feel myself sadden at the thought of Gerard being alone here. Ultimately, it came time for us to sleep while the girls were getting their own sleep on. We set them down in the crib and then looked at each other.