Live-In Nanny Wanted! (Frerard)

I'll Be Okay

Okay, so for the past two weeks, I've been /dying/ without my girls and Gerard. We talk on the phone as often as we can, but all the traveling and playing and not having anywhere to charge my phone until the next stop is really tearing that up. Of course, Gerard is definitely being an amazing guy. He's so understanding every time we talk and is really nothing but laughs and smiles, which I'm very thankful for. If he was struggling, I don't think I could make it all the way through this tour. I've talked with Jamia probably twice and she's also very busy, so I don't have to worry as much that she's feeling alone.

The guys in the band are sometimes really generous and will let me use their phone to call Gerard. It's always so wonderful to hear his smooth voice. Send shivers down my spine, honestly. But other times, they just roll their eyes and tell me to man up, which in turn makes me mad. But that's not important right now. Something happened as I was playing our show, I began to enjoy where I was at. I began losing myself in my guitar and throwing myself around just as I used to. It was scary to see that I didn't miss home as much as I used to. Even though I still missed my girls, part of me wanted to be on tour forever. To make my mark.

"Gerard," I sighed on the phone.

"What is it, Frankie?" He asked, worried evident in his voice. I stayed silent for a moment, not even entirely sure if I wanted to admit it but I took a deep breath and decided to just let it out.

"I'm really having fun," I mumbled. "And I feel terrible because I don't miss you guys as much as I first did." I heard Gerard almost sigh in relief.

"Oh, man, I thought you were going to say that you met someone while on tour," he laughed. I cracked a smile.

"There's no one in the world greater to me than you." He giggled and my heart began melting all over the seat of the van, because I knew he was blushing like crazy. I missed seeing that so much.

"Babe, send me a picture of yourself. I miss your face," I said, a bit of a whine in my tone.

"Make it hot!" I quickly added, ignoring the raised brows sent my way from my band mates. Gerard giggled again.

"Okay, hot selfie coming your way," he responded. I heard shuffling on the phone and waited impatiently for the picture to come through. As soon as I heard a 'beep' come from my phone, I was quickly looking at my messages. I clicked on Gerard's name and immediately laughed at the picture he sent me. It was a picture of him holding up a lit candle with a flirty look on his face.

"Fuck, Gerard. You're something else, because that was somehow exactly what I wanted," I said after my laughing had ceased.

"I'm glad I'm it for you," he chuckled. "Oh, one of the twins is crying. I gotta go, Frank. Call me when you can," he said. "I love you." I smiled softly, finding myself missing their crying once again.

"I love you," I said back before hanging up and letting my head lean against the window. It was pretty late at night and we were in Illinois right now and the streets were clear, aside from a car passing our van every now and then. I felt my phone vibrate and looked down to see a new picture message from Gerard. I smiled lovingly, thinking it was of the girls, but was pleasantly surprised to see it was of him with only his boxers on. I bit my lip, wishing I was there with him right now. That fucking tease. I rolled my eyes at myself because I was the one who wanted a hot picture.

*

Every time I'm on stage, I feel like I belong. It feels right. I throw my entire body into it, all of my soul, and I'm finally complete. On stage, it's just me and the music. We're all that exists and it feels so amazing. But as soon as I walk off stage, reality hits me and I miss my family. Almost more than I can bare. I miss Cherry and Lily's cooing, their cries, even. I miss their curious eyes and toothless smiles, and I miss Gerard. I miss the squint in his eyes when he laughs and the way he throws his head back a little. I miss the shine in his hair and the way he wildly gestures when he's talking about something he's so passionate about. And then I don't want to be on tour. And then I'm on the stage again, and I feel better. It's an endless cycle, it seems.

Gerard messages me more now, even when I don't answer. Sometimes, I can't and others times I just don't want to. It hurts too much to talk to him, but every time he sends me a picture of the girls, I want to cry because I'm missing them growing up. I know I won't
be gone for years, but it's long enough that maybe they won't even remember my face. I hate to think about that. But it runs through my mind at least once a day.

"You'll be okay, Frankie. The girls cry a little more," Gerard told me one time.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I didn't want you to worry, but it seems they really do miss you. I show them pictures of you and they giggle." I smile and instantly feel better. I think I'll be okay.

"Thank you."  

Hi, sorry for taking so long with updating! My motivation for writing has gotten very low and it's very frustrating. But hopefully I can start writing more. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think about this chapter!

-Wizard Of Odd