Secret Crush

A Roller Coaster Night

After that last day we met, I really don't know how to approach him. Few days later he ask me to hang out with some of his friends; another group of friends.

I admit it, it was different now. I don't know if he really want me to met his friends or I am the last option he has to be with him. Overthinking really can't help.

It was a fun night. We have open a question and answer kind of game for us to know each other better over a beer.

In our way home, he ask for an another hour for us to talk. It was 2:30am and he knows I have work at 9am. So I decline. I know what will be the topic of the conversation.

He ask about the last night. Which we have discussed on chat couple of days back, and we already have a misunderstanding.

I don't want to talk about it at the moment, as I don't have any energy to say my thoughts. He insisted, I said "I'm sorry if i kissed back, can we just forget what happened, and lets be friends again?". He said, "I like you, but I dont want any commitment".

I lot of thought was playing on my mind, but I chose not to say any.

He even requested for another kiss, but I say no, and whatever happens will never be repeated. He still keeps to his principle that we don't need any commitment to be happy, which made my heart beats faster. That moment I just want to cry and to be alone. I can't accept the fact that I'm with a guy who just want a kiss, a hug, or even a sex to me without strings attached.

Until then, I didn't say any word, I'm actually shaking because of tense.

His last words made my night worser, as he say I'm a fake person who is controlling myself because I don't want to judged.

Men should realize that not all girls are in to that kind of situation. Love will still be the basis of everything. Liking me doesn't make it better, commitment is a must and please I don't need any reason if I don't want to kiss you. That is my right. - I should say this words to him but I can't.

I was so disappointment with him. My secret crush who tends to like me but will never loved me.

I don't even love him yet, but he already hurt me.