Falling For A Vampire || H.S.

Chapter 11 - I Will Be Able To Make You Love Me

Jossie's POV:

I woke up the next day with a severe headache. I think it's all because of yesterday's crying. I really cried a lot. Then yesterday's memories came to my head. Oh lord, I'm in a complete mess... Harry loves me? He freaking loves me?? But, how? How is it possible at all? This surely can't be happening... But he just addmited it and it was very obvious that he was truthful. The look in his eyes, the words he said and the way he smiled at me showed everything. And he may thought that I was sleeping when he said the words he had said from behind the door. They were awesome but I can't take it! Harry can't love me. I can't make him love me. Because I can't love my kidnapper and the person who took away my life. Like seriously, who would ever love the person who ruined his life, the person who harmed you and above all, the person who turned out  to be a +400 years old vampire?? Who would accept this? And if anyone did, it's certianly not me. I am not Bella from twilight 'cause I'm not as naive as her. Well, let's make everything clear. Beside not being able to love Harry for all the previous reasons I just said, I guess that if Harry truly loves me, then I guess he loves me more than anything because I know how much he loved Emily and how much pain it caused him when she died and someone like Harry will never love anyone after Emily easily. He will have to fall hardly in love in order to admit and deal with it after Emily. And being me, the one who's loved, makes me feel guiltier than ever because I am certain that I will never be able to love him and that will cause Harry a lot of pain and I guess I don't want to see him torturing. I wish I could make him hate me, but I can't... I wish I could make him the happiest person alive but he's making it so hard for me to do anything. It's like being trapped in a small, tiny box which is shrinking slowly and at a certian point, the box will completely crush you. You can't get out or save yourself from that box. And right now, I'm in the same box. Trapped in Harry's love....

I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich... It has been a week since Harry addmited his love for me and I didn't think of anything else except that night's events. Well, I also thought of Harry's voice and the words he said. I was miserable, I just have no hope at all. I decided to eat my sandwich, pick a book from Harry's huge library or study and then head off to my room to read. Well, I have the right to entertain myself, don't I?

I looked at the big, beutiful, black door and wished that Harry wasn't in. I actually never saw Harry writing or even entering his study, but whenever I enter this study, I find new notes and diaries. But I haven't found any about me at all. Maybe he prefers not writing about me so if I ever left, he would never remember me. Maybe. The idea itself made me more miserable. I really don't want to leave Harry but I know that if my misery increased I would do something I will never expect. I know myself, I'm crazy and a maniac at some points... I knocked on the door just to make sure that Harry isn't in. Nothing came back as a response so I think Harry's not in there. I opened the door to find the study as empty as always. Relief washed all over me as Harry's nowhere to be found. I went to the books shelf and decided to pick a novel. Novels, novels, novels, more novels, but nothing that quite interested me. Most of the novels were romantic ones, the kind of romance where the main roles or the lovers of the story are desperately trying to be together. Or where one of the lovers died and the other one is trying to move on with his life. I guess these novels are described with one adjective... TRAGIC. Harry is really affected by Emily's death. More than I expected. Other novels were about the myths such as greek gods, werewolves or VAMPIRES... Hmm, he must have been reading these to find out more about himself aand his "KIND". Whatever, I'm not really interested in reading any of these things righ now. So I went to the huge study and looked at the pile of un-arranged papers over it. I suddenly saw an un-familiar notebook which was black. Deep black. I picked it and saw that only 5 pages were written in it. I opened the first page and I was shocked after I saw what was written in the middle of the page... "Jossie" was written with Harry's beautiful handwriting. I guess, after all, Harry does write about me. I was so curious to know what was written and I decided to read the last page as it is obviously the recent one.