Still in my Heart

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T-R notes: ignore the guy and just play the song as you read this chapter or wait until later and i'll tell you when to play it- either way this is the song the girl plays- lyrics and words will be written in a future chap- enjoy ^^. 

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CH4 

Sakura's P.O.V 

When the door opened I heard Aoi asking me something but  immediately lost connection with the world even though I felt I was still awake and speaking with her.

I was wrong.

I woke again to find myself in an unfamiliar room. The scent was familiar but it was so dark, empty and lonely to tell where I was. I sat off the bed and took a few seconds to realize I was in my own house.

The room was dark, so dark. I made sure my eyes were open, fearing I had gone blind. I couldn't see my hand even though it was literally an inch from my face. Who's room was this? It wasn't mine that I knew for sure. As lonely and alien my room made me feel, it was never this dark nor cold as if it was rejecting my existence.

I felt shadows swirl around my feet, sucking me in. In a burst of panic, I fumble for a light switch. I flipped it up and down frantically, and even though it was bright the room seemed to remain immersed in darkness.

Fear settled in and deep down I knew I wasn't alone in the dark. Something or someone was watching me. Something brushes my back. I turn, but there is nothing. Nothing I can see, that is. Outside I can hear a storm pouring, the autumn wind howling, and it almost sounds like laughter or maybe a cry to my panicked mind. I might as well have been looking into a mirror because in a way darkness is a form of loneliness (such as the room was) and loneliness is a form of darkness (as was I).

A low melodies sound breaks my thought process; I had stepped on something. My head lowers down and there it was- a guitar.

Suddenly my fear was gone because I now knew where I was. I knew why this room was rejecting me, why it was dark and cold. I knew why I had been in fear- because I had stolen it's precious somebody, because I had killed the person it held dear... my own mother.

I had no right to be here. I hadn't entered this room ever since she left- ever since I murdered her. I hated this room and it I that's why I had avoided entering it but Aoi, Aoi, why had she put me in this place when she knew?

The guilt was too unbearable and the room understood. It was pushing me out, cursing my name. I could see it in it's creamy wall colors and hear it in it's light glow.

"Aoi... I'm sorry" I spoke teary. She must have been worried sick. Aoi had been taking care of me in place of my mother. She was kind and gentle, understanding and above all my family. I saw the white, pure guitar and feared it. 

I was scared to pick it up. Even though it was just an instrument, I felt I had no strength to lift it let alone play it. It was my mothers' after all.

My mind fogs up and my eyes feel heavy with tears just from looking at it. I feel my lip quivering, I try to hold it back, I try to swallow them and not show my weakness, but my will is too weak. My eyes itch and burn and my throat tightens. I can feel a cry starting to form.

(T-R notes ^.^: play video now)

I wish that I could push it all away, destroy every memory of her but I couldn't. so, I sit myself on the floor my back against the bed and gaze at a portrait of my mother and I smiling. 

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