Spahallolia

in the dark of the night

suddenly i woke up to the sound of someone closing the door.i looked up,tired as i was i decided to fulfill my sleep but then suddenly, i was engripped by an urgency, and dreams of waterfalls and open taps. yes, i had to pee. i am a normal human being. i opened my eyes to bright light coming in from the windows . the bright street light tortured my eyes and made me lift my hand to cover them. now that i had moved, i definately had to pee. so, i got up and cursed the whole human body for a second. my body was aching. I was full of pain and vulnerability. Not that I was just physically tired which was a contribution of all my muscles and bones but I was mentally tired too because yesterday I had done a lot of thinking. As I picked up myself then my phone from my bed I instinctively turned on the flashlight of my phone smiling at the random thought that occoured to me that smartphones were definitely smart. Wait, that's just my weird 3 a.m. self talking. Please don't judge me because I'm sleepy. I surely made it clear to myself that I must silently escape the room and cause nothing that wakes there 30 people up sleeping next to me. It was kind of funny how everyone was now back to their natural selves after exactly a year of faking it. No matter how much you fake throughout the day and talk shit about your life. Ultimately, you'll be sleeping in the way you do. Sadly, that's something we can't really control. I wished I had taken a few funny pictures of my friends but then again, I didn't want to wake them up. It was really messy, the floor and I had to tip toe my way to the door hoping not to kick anything that comes my way and offer myself another injury in this state. It was just like that game we all played as kids, the lava one.

Once I reached the door I looked back at what all I had successfully crossed. I was proud of myself. I had also crossed huge suitcases and bottles and chargers. Ouch. Lucky me. Then something hit me ,I was so proud at the obstacles I had crossed without hurting myself. If I can be so proud at this. This silly thing that I probably won't even remember. If I am so happy at my lame 3a.m. journey then why aren't I happy at the progress that I had made? And in that moment the smile faded away, the tears were on their way and I grasped my shorts tightly breathing in a little more air. I closed my eyes to the world for a little peace even if I was alone there and no one could see me through the dark but sometimes you need to know that soltitude isn't always peace. It may be silent but how do you shut up the war going inside of you? I turned around and opened the door. Entering into the worm filled corridor.not just usual worms but insects that were about the size of my hand! I was freaked out. The corridor was straight and at the end it had a washroom. So sick of my life already that I even don't care about these insects. For sometime I had to play the lava game again but only in places that had light from the streetlamps. The air was fresh and cold and humid as the dew of the leaves of plants were telling. The lush green field on my right looked as pretty as a painting in a museum. Enough for me to absorb in my eyes. I inhaled the fresh air and felt the joy. I felt pure. Free from the toxic world. In that moment I was free to inhale the air, to reach mmy lungs the air that was untouched by anyone else. The feeling of purity and joy had filled me. Just about ten steps from the washroom I turned on my flashlight again (thank god for the smartphones again!) as the streetlight had faded. The door of the washroom on it's little left had a staircase that led upstairs, to the boy's dorm. I didn't bothered much because let's be honest. I wan't getting any hot sights from there. This place absolutely sucked both for boys and girls. No one got a single hottie. Date? It wasn't even something to be said out loud because it'd give people shocks how the hell can someone find a person in that hellish place? It was a surprise but boys you know. They can always settle for some fling.what's the harm anyway? Yes, just make a girl fall hard. Make her dream. Make her happy but ony for a while and then crush her feelings until you find another prey. That's the guide to being a boy. Repeat this process again. To be honest all boys here were even worst than that and I wasn't even ready for anything serious as yet so it wasn't even a bother to think about someone.

After those five heavenly mintues of pleasure in the stall I was so relieved. I could literally just drop there on the floor and sleep but there were just too many bugs and it was creepy. Although the place flooded with creepy insects I don't know what came over me and I decided to absorb the beauty of the place. It was weird because there wasn't anything to look at in that washroom except the sky above me. These people seriously needed to build a roof for this place. I sat on the seemingly perfect spot for my experience. It was just opposite to the stalls. It was a huge pile of furniture and had a cardboard sort of surface on it which seemed enough for me. I hopped onto it and gaxed up at the sky.the beauty of the dark, the night . the beauty we miss everyday . nights were prettier and calmer and deeper. There wasn't anybody to judge me or hate me because all of those people preffered to sleep at night while I preffered to sit and watch the sky alone. Being alone has it's own beauty and it's own flaws and lately I've been dweeling in it's beauty.

I look up at the sky and see the perfect stars. Trying to remember the constellations I've heard of. They are so beautiful. Stars are often a lover's gift. "I'd bring stars for you" and all kinds of lies. Stars are just too mainstream you know. I don't need someone to promise me the stars because they are infinite. You must never run out of them to gift to any girl. I need someone who lays down and sees them with me. Who reminds me that I am the star that he has been looking for. I want him to feel that heat that star gives off when he's near me but still the star that he plucks from the sky for himself. The one that he would like to keep with him in his pocket as a valueable. Something that he's afraid of losing. That he likes to show off to the world. He jumps with joy and tells everyone, "hey look! I have a star!" or maybe someone to tell me that he sees them in my eyes. So, until then I'll become one of them. I'll just burn bright . I'll be far away. Just like a star. Pretty to see, impossible to catch.

"hey, what you doing up so late?" someone with a familiar voice said breaking the blissful silence. My heart knew who it was, I could tell. I turned my neck to see the sight that maybe I'll regret tomorrow but my desire overcame that. That one look burned the fire inside my heart that if one could see, it'd appear from a distance just like a star.