Spahallolia

myths and reality

In that dark silent night I didn't have to get lost because he had already found me. To haunt me with the past that I run away from. At 3 am I was more afraid of looking into a human's eyes than of a demon.

That one familiar voice reminded me of a million roses but all that had bloomed only to die. He said, "what are you doing up so late?" I looked up to him. His face the same as always .dark sun tanned skin with a lush beard covering his jawline firmly meeting with his perfectly messy brown hair that he'd run his hands through frequently. His complexion clearly yelled how much he had been practicing just as if he already wasn't so good at it. If only he'd stop playing so much.i remember how once he told me he had to quit soon because he wasn't well enough . I had asked him curiously why and he said that he had some issues with his pancreas and after all this time I still remember remember it. This small detail about his life that made me feel a little 'involved' in his life. His tan never looked bad, he looked better now. Was it true or was it because of my sudden encounter with him that made me lost my mind? Both ways it was hard to deny that I wanted to see him so badly and adore him. But then I remember that it was suppose to happen in a perfect world not in reality where I am no one to him but just a girl that he once claimed loving.

Our eyes met. His red eyes were the reason I always speculated if he was high. "nothing" , I mumbled underneath my breath with all the courage that I had . our gaze was constant but broken by my sudden realization. I wasn't suppose to give up just because of one look of his. I lowered my eyes and looked the ther way. I could tell how he still had that smirk on his face, his gaze on me and his legs still standing in the same place. Even if I wasn't looking I had all my mind on him, the person standing behind me .i wished and I wished that something happens and I get snapped out of this situation. I wish this was a dream that I can wake up of. I had created my own nightmares which I was stuck in forever and yet I still wonder the very reason why.

Apart from all this in my head, the storm that raged in my heart and the shivers that ran down my spine I was able to hear his footsteps and the ones aimed right at me .it was funny thinking that he had his eyes on me because that's a phase we use for someone who was in love or head over heels for a girl or trying to get her but in this case it wasn't anything at all. Just one person who I wasn't able to figure out. As he came closer and closer whilst the seconds passed and his gaze tensed my heart knotted itself and my mind stopped working. I wasn't sure what to do now because all that would happen would be purely now spontaneously from my heart and I really think that maybe my heart isn't well enough to decide anymore. In that mystery and confusion that was going inside me i still wanted to know if the same flame had rekindled inside him? Was he too, a slave of his anxiety? Did he wanted to see me? A thousand questions came popping as he sat beside me and stretched out himself. I pulled back a strand of my hair and looked straight, avoiding as much as possible. As I answered those million questions to myself he spoke, " how have you been?" smiling at me while I held back my tears and picked up my broken heart . " I'm fine." I replied. He still didn't leave .

" wouldn't you ask me how I am?"

" I know you're doing great, I know." I said biting my lips and nodding heavily.

He laughed, "I guess- "you know what" I said interrupting him. "I think I'll just go to sleep."

"why?" he asked and I turned to his face . I know that was my worst decision for the night but when I looked my very first thought was ' why was I even not looking at you' all I could do was adore his smile because damn, he really looked good. I guess a part of him even understood how attractive I was finding him. Eyes can also be read. From a raging monster to an angel real quick. Who wouldn't understand that? I had this slight uncontrollable smile on my face that I wasn't suppose to be there and I replied "good night."

"good night to you too." He spoke loudly making me turn again from the corridor for that last glimpse.

Boy, I was surely in love.

I opened the door and curled up next to everyone sleeping . while they dreamt of their prince charming I had already met mine and for that fraction of second I felt luckier than anyone else in that room before I was cornerned by the clouds of sorrow. My sunshine was long gone with the realization that those flowers that I was smelling had already died, the tears I was ignoring had already justified their presence. The love I looked for was already taken and I mumbled in between the shredding tears how mych luckier everyone was than me. Me, a girl with nothing to give but a broken heart that is masked with a bright smile and makes people wonder why would I ever be sad? But even on my happiest days, when I'm full of bliss I don't forget to remember that the nights, they'll make me who I am. And I was a broken hearted.

I cried and I cried because I hadn't felt any lonelier than before. I was surrounded by thirty people in a room and still I felt lonelier by the passage of every second. I wished someone would come hold me and whisper everything is alright. I wish and I wish just so much everyday that I want this mess to end or something to happen that would free me of this misery, this pain. It hurts, everytime you breathe it sucks the life out of you but damn those lips, they ditch you so bad.... They leave you the first when they meet another ones and are the first to return when everything goes away. As a symbol of the unfinished love and pleasure that it once was that turned out to be nothing but pain. I wish so much but I never get any because lately I've been wishing more than I've been dreaming and even in my dreams all I do is ask but even after a million times I never get my wishes answered. Maybe because I just wish for the impossible to happen. For you to love me and I guess god's just making me realize the difference between myths and reality now.