Spahallolia

him again

i often find myself rationalizing your actions. I often catch myself explaining that you weren't wrong. don't we all do that often? for the people we love, don't we keep ourselves at stake? don't we try and walk a mile in their shoes? We do this because we don't want ourselves to be in a position to cross-question them to ask them for an evidence of our bond or relationship. We don't do this not because we don't want to sound like somebody desperate for attention. We do this because we try and save ourselves from such an occasion. it's easy to point out somebody's flaws but the person we wish to question. Haven't we already accepted their flaws? will it be ok to say a yes then a no. Is it ok to wave a green flag and then a red? isn't it like giving them acceptance and rejection at the same time. We try to walk miles and miles and then question because deep down we know somewhere we too are going through the same things. afraid of being questioned and even more afraid to find an answer.

After about two or three years we met. No idea that a boy who could do good at the field could be so weak at the heart. I know, if I would have said that out loud you must have protected your ego. You would raise an eyebrow as if you demand me to surrender and I would've shrugged it off with a smile. We would have looked around in two different directions to analyze what I just said and what he just heard. We would have returned with a change of hearts and he would say that I am wrong. I agree with myself. I agree to the fact that he is weak. He shows that he isn't and his actions make him seem so careless and tough. But all that I've discovered is that he doesn't man up he thinks he can suppress the weakness or he can change the topic but deep down he always knows what it feels like. I'd like to ask him if we ever met after two or three decades and if my broken heart let me live this wrong. When he'd have a wise man's beard and intellect. When he'd be better at knowing what women are and what he wants. When he wouldn't surrender to his desires . when he would try and become a man that he claims to be. When he would look like a man who isn't so full of wisdom but somewhere he has it figured out. Then I'd confront him and maybe twenty or thirty years later either he will have the courage to accept it or turn away for some seconds to analyze it. Who knows what we'd be twenty years later. Couldn't it happen that maybe I'd be better off at accepting the fact that even my heart is weak and feeble which once needed him the most? Who am I to predict maybe one fine day you'd show up at my door and say how sorry you were.

"ouch!",bang boom pow .i lifted my head up squinting at the person in front of me. Everything seemed blurry and unclear. I opened my eyes wide open and closed them repetitively to remove that haze in front of my eyes. " why don't you have some water?",a familiar voice sprinkled water droplets on me. "do you mind?",I said shouting at him in the face. A wide smirk hit me in return. He looked at me the way he always did. An endless gaze that could go on uninterrupted for years. He started a heatwave in me. My cheeks red as a rose and palms sweating. He could feel my breath from that intensive crash down the stairs. All thanks to him and that person I bumped into. "what?", I muttered out with a faint voice. All anger suddenly washed away with a riptide. A sea of monsters full of mermaids now.

h