Textual Relations

Best Before

Kick: Do you think yoghurt is safe to eat if it's ten days out of date?

Etta: Is that a rhetorical question?

Kick: No. Seriously.

Kick: Will I die?

Kick: I don't want to make a yoghurt faux pas.

Kick: Imagine the shame - death by defecation.

Etta: You'd be dead. There would be no shame.

Kick: My parents wouldn't be able to go to the local newspaper shop. Everyone would point and stare.

Kick: They'd be whispering mean things.

Etta: Sounds like you've answered your own question.

Kick: Actually I haven't.

Kick: Jury's still out.

Kick: I think it might be ok. It says 'best before'. Everyone knows that's like a guide.

Etta: No. Its not, if it's ten days over it's not going to be ok to eat.

Etta: You will indeed meet a very revolting death.

Etta: I feel sorry for the poor bastard that finds you.

Kick: But it doesn't say 'Use by'.

Kick: 'Best before' is like, 'this product is at its optimum if you eat it prior to this date, but it can certainly still be consumed safely after the date, you may just experience a little degradation in quality'.

Etta: Yeah, that's EXACTLY what they mean.

Etta: They just don't have enough room on the yoghurt pot to fit the other version in.

Kick: Don't be sassy.

Kick: Isn't yoghurt off already?

Etta: It's not 'off', it's cultured.

Kick: As in it goes to art galleries and the theatre at least twice a month?

Etta: Don't be a smartarse.

Etta: Listen, if you want to eat out of date yoghurt, you go for it. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Kick: I'm going to open it and smell it.

Kick: And if it doesn't smell bad, I'll taste a little bit.

Kick: I'm going to let my senses guide me.

Etta: Sounds like a genius idea, Genius.

Kick: Is that sarcasm?

Etta: I don't know, why don't I say it again and you can let your senses guide you.

Etta: <send video>

Kick: Woah.

Kick: That was weird.

Kick: Aside from the sarcasm, which my senses picked up perfectly thank you very much, that was so fucking weird.

Etta: ?

Etta: What on earth are you on about?

Kick: Your voice.

Etta: My voice is weird?

Kick: No. Hearing it was weird.

Kick: We've never spoken to each other before.

Kick: I had this really strong idea in my mind of how you'd sound, and it was spot on.

Etta: That's just a little bit creepy.

Kick: Yeah, incredible.

Etta: No, I meant the fact you had thought about what I'd sound like was creepy.

Kick: No it's not. Not at all. Haven't you thought about what I'd sound like?

Etta: Wondered, yes. Made up your voice in my mind, no.

Etta: What the hell was I saying when you imagined it?

Etta: "Don't eat the freaking yoghurt"?

Kick: No.

Kick: Not even close.

Kick: Ok, so I'm going to do it. I'll go for the sniff test first. I don't think I can die from just smelling it.

Etta: Nice subject change.

Etta: Kick?

Etta: Hello?

Etta: ?

Etta: <alice-wonderland-waiting.gif>

Etta: <marceline-bored-waiting.gif>

Etta: <snoopy-sleeping-roof.gif>

Etta: <toddler-asleep-on-cat.gif>

Kick: Sorry, back.

Kick: Just had to push the yoghurt down the sink.

Etta: Push?

Kick: Yup.