tRuTh - z.m.

2 - Zayn

March 9th, 2015

I stepped off on Liam's floor and walked down the deep blue hallway. I was always told blue was supposed to be a calming color, but I didn't think anything was capable of calming me down except maybe some really dank weed. But that would have to wait until this was over.

I knocked once before the door sprung open. "Get in here, mate. We've been waiting almost an hour and a half." Liam said greeting me with a warm smile.

"Sorry about that, there was a fan in the elevator." I said.

"You must've met Olivia. Nice girl," he nodded as he shut the door behind me. I walked deeper into the house towards the living room where I heard a menage of voices. When I turned the corner and they all stopped.

"How are you late to a meeting you called?" Louis said as he sipped on a beer.

"Sorry, I got stuck in traffic." I sputtered another half lie as I walked to the middle of the room towards the TV where they were watching a football match. I turned the TV off and a chorus of childish groans erupted from Niall and Harry who had yet to acknowledge my presence. "This will be quick, don't worry." I sighed as I took a seat.

"What's going on? We're all getting concerned. You ask for a meeting and suddenly start acting different." Liam said, rubbing his hands together before stroking his light beard.

"I know and I'm sorry. I've had a lot of things going through my mind lately. I've been very... unhappy. It makes me feel like I'm not myself." I paused. "And after a lot of deliberating, I can only see one way out of this fog that I've been stuck in." I made eye contact with them all before letting my eyes drift down to the speckled carpet on Liam's floor.

"Spit it out," Niall urged. "We're missing the game!"

"I quit."

"Aw, c'mon. Don't listen to Niall." Harry said. "We cleared our day for this. We have all the time in the world, Zayn."

I shook my head. "You don't get it. I quit the band." I said it aloud for the second time today and it didn't taste as bad this time. "I quit One Direction."

"You fucking what?" Louis exclaimed. "I can't fucking... Geez, mate." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Can you even do that?" Niall said with edge in his voice. "Why would you even want to do that?"

"It's deeper than what I want at this point. Didn't you hear me? I'm not happy anymore. I don't need to be in a boy band singing pop music." I said with a hint of disgust in my voice. "My entire career is cliche... and it's just not me anymore. I'm not sure if it ever was me. I wanna swear in my songs and sing about real raw passion. I don't wanna be censored for fear of the eleven year olds hearing the word fuck. I don't wanna be stuck with pre-teen girls being my main audience. I wanna perform for adults too. Most of all, I wanna be my own person."

"Fucking selfish is what you wanna be." Louis muttered, not caring if I'd heard or not.

"It's not selfish." Liam said. "It's quite brave. You think you can make it out there on your own?"

"I know that I will." I said, confirming it to him and myself as well.

"That's not brave. It's selfish and I stand by that. You're a staple voice in this group." Louis said rising from his seat.

"C'mon Lou," Niall said, shaking his head. He always got uncomfortable when people started saying things like that and I agreed with him. We all knew the deal but it wasn't necessary to bring it up.

"I'm serious. Who starts our songs, who does the bridges, who kills the hooks?" He looked me dead in the face.

"You've done all of the above, Louis." I reminded him.

"It won't be the same and you know that." Harry said, finally voicing up. "But if that's what you want. That's what matters most, our own individual happiness, right?"

"Wrong," Louis shook his head.

"Imagine if it were you though, wouldn't-" Harry was defending me but Louis absolutely wouldn't have it.

"Please, I've wanted to drop out of this shit so many times. You all remember Larry. For so long I wished people would stop and they never did. I could've dropped out before we even got big, but I didn't. I endured it." He finally sat back down, this time with a huff.

"This isn't about anyone else right now. It's just about me and how I feel. No one is making me feel a certain way. It's me." I said, mentally begging Lou to stop arguing with it and just accept it. Five more minutes of arguing me down and I wasn't sure if I'd still have my mind made up. But I was trying to remember what Olivia said.

Don't let anyone change your mind, you'll always regret it.

"You guys will still be One Direction. Shit, the last album was Four, its like you guys knew." I paused. "Your fans aren't going anywhere."

"I support you, but I don't agree with that. All the Zayn girls are gonna flock to you and the extreme ones are gonna think we kicked you out and refuse to listen to or buy our music anymore." Liam said sitting back in his chair. "We're gonna lose fans because of this." He sighed heavily as he looked at the ceiling.

"At the same time you'll gain 'em. Some people don't like my ethnicity." I shrugged, trying to find a bright side.

"We don't want those fans." Niall said. "Those fans can stay where the hell they're at. How could you say that, like we'd be okay with that or something?" Niall shook his head, never breaking eye contact with me. Beside Liam, I would say Niall is the most understanding out of the group but when he couldn't understand, or when he was disappointed, I knew whatever it was, it was wrong.

"I know, I was just trying to find some positivity-"

"There's nothing positive about you leaving the group. Absolutely nothing." Louis spat.

"I'm truly sorry you feel that way. But I'm making this move. Nothing and no one can stop me." I stood from the chair I was sat on and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket. "Hate me if you want, if not, I'm open to us still being friends."

The boys were all silent. Liam was still staring at the ceiling, Louis was giving me a glare, Harry was looking at his hands, lost in thought as usual, and Niall was just sitting there with his chin on his hand, looking stressed as ever.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I have to go now, I'll see you guys around." I walked through the thick silence towards the hall. They still weren't speaking as I made it down the hall. No words were being spoken as I went out of the door either.

I made it down the blue hall and to the elevator. Fortunately, it opened right up as I pressed the button. An older woman stepped off, giving me a double glance as I stepped on. I pressed the close button quickly before pressing the ground floor button.

The trip down was quicker than the one up. I was glad because I felt like I was running from something. I felt like I'd just been let free. Better yet, like I'd escaped. I cut the leash. I broke the chain's. I obliterated my cage.

The lift pinged and I stepped out before the doors even opened all the way. When I stepped outside the sun was shining, completely opposite from earlier. I stood there for a second, just looking at the sky and how bright it was now.

"How'd it go?" A familiar voice said beside me before I felt a small tugging on my jacket sleeve.

I looked over and it was Olivia. I was so happy to see her for some reason, I hugged her. I even let out a relieved laugh. "It was liberating, Olivia. I am free." I let go of her after a while. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"I'm an adult, I can skip a class or two if I want." She smirked. "I really wanna know what happened, Zayn. Please tell me." she practically begged.

"Alright, let me take you for coffee and I'll tell you all about it." I put an arm around her shoulder and began the walk to my car. She wrapped her arm around my waist as we walked and looked up at me like she was imaging the whole thing, like she couldn't believe it was real, like it was too good to be true, like her wildest dreams had finally come true.

Mine too, Olivia.