Kei's POV
It had been about two weeks, and it seemed like things were starting to calm down. Andy had apologized as soon as I got back, and Jinxx had finally apologized. There was only one thing: I was back to cutting, and my old eating habits. Not like anyone noticed..
I was currently in the bathroom, blade in hand. I started to clean up when there was a knock at the door, startling me. "I-I'll be out in a sec." I stuttered as I turned the water on.
"Okay. When you get out, we need to talk." It was Ash. My heart jumped. Had he found out?
"Okay." I said as calmly as I could. I finished bandaging my arm and hid my blade. I put my sweatshirt back on, then came out. "What's up?" I asked, forcing cheerfulness. On the inside, I was terrified. Maybe he was only worried, though. Ever since the day of the fight and everything, I had been having bad dreams, flashbacks, and random panic attacks. Ash had been there each time. He was becoming more and more like an older brother. He reminded me a lot of Brandon, always protective of me...
"Come to my bunk. I don't want the guys hearing." My stomach dropped, but I forced a smile.
"Alright." We walked back to his bunk, and sat on the bed.
"I know you've been really stressed lately, your panic attacks and stuff.. I just wanted to check on you, see how you are." He said softly. "You know I worry about you."
"I know.." My fake smile was gone, and I pondered telling him.
"Jake is worried too. We all are. Ever since those panic attacks started, you seem more distant, like you're not all there. Last night, Jake was crying. You were already asleep, but he came to my bunk crying, not sure what to do. I wanted to ask you if we could take you to the doctor, maybe get you some anxiety medicine or something."
I thought about it. Would it really help? I had never taken anything for this before. What if it didn't work? What if it made it worse? I subconciously rubbed at my wrist, ignoring the sting of the fresh cuts. "I-I don't know, Ash."
"It's okay. You don't have to answer right away. You don't even have to do it if you don't want to. I just want to help." His gaze dropped to my wrist, then back up. I looked down to my hands, not wanting to make eye contact. "Kei... Have you been doing it again?" I didn't respond. Would he be mad? He took my hands in his. "Kei. I won't be mad. Just answer."
"Yeah, Ash.. I have." I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."
He sighed. "It's alright. I'm going to be checking your arms every day from now on, though. And if you're on someone else's bus, they will check you instead. Please, at least try to stop."
"I-I'll try.." I sighed, thinking about the anxiety medicine idea again. Should I try it? If it started getting worse, or it didn't work, I could just throw it away, right?
"Also, since you've been having trouble sleeping, I was thinking we could also get you some sleeping stuff." Ash suggested. The idea was tempting.
I nodded. "Okay. I'm up for it." I said.
"Good. I have to go now, I have a show in 30 minutes, and you have merch to do." I nodded and got up. Ash helped me with the boxes, then went off to his show. I set up the merch tent, and started selling. I looked over and smiled at the security guard who was watching over me. I still hadn't caught his name, but he was a nice guy. I checked the schedule, and saw that Memphis May Fire was playing at 5, so I decided to go to that.
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It was about 2:30, and business had gotten pretty slow. I was playing fruit ninja on the iPhone that Jake had bought me to pass the time. I had just lost, so I looke up to check for customers. Lucky timing, two girls were walking up.
