i hate the fact that you are so beautiful. i hate the fact that i want you even though i have no right because i am not good enough for you, and never will be. i hate the fact that i'm messed up and twisted and can't stop falling apart and hurting you and me.
i hate the fact that that every single time i feel empty, no one is ever there because i've pushed them away and not been there for them when they needed someone. i hate the fact i eat too much and pretend to show people i'm okay and pretend i am even though i'm not because, God, i just want someone to actually care and get it instead of telling me i'm insane or just an attention whore.
i hate the fact that you don't get any attention because of me, because they are all too involved in my issues because i was stupid and told them that i wanted to tear my skin right open, see my pain drip down darkly, just to empty myself of my demons and not be a life-sucking, horrible person anymore.
they are afraid that one day i'll rip my skin apart, tear my walls down, scream until my throat is raw, and then people will know that i'm just a giant disgusting mess and you'll just be waiting there waiting for your turn for love and no one ever gives you any. and i wonder why you hate me.
