With You, It's Bearable

A Pack of Cigarettes

"Hey mom." You say slowly, slipping in through the door and shutting it behind you. You walk towards your mother and give her a kiss on the cheek. She hardly reacts and you wait for her eyes to eventually drift towards you.

"Oh, hello Milla, what are you doing home so late?" She asks, her voice soft as ever and slightly dazed. She moves her eyes back to the pictures she was looking through on the table. She does this everyday since your dad left. Her frail fingers shuffle around the deck day after day and you can never understand why she does it. She's been a little off since then so you guys had to grow up a little faster than usual. You and Will picked up smoking and Mattie picked up, well, being a mom in a way, you guess.

"It's only three." You sit beside her and grab an apple from the counter you're sitting at. You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket but you ignore it as you've been doing since Friday. You take a bite and realize her hands are shaking. You hold one of them and shush her, taking the picture she's holding. It's Will's school portrait from 6th grade, his smile is bright and his hair is gelled into some sort of spikey thing toward the front. "He'll be home soon." You say, trying to reassure her.

"Where did you say he went again?" You place the picture down in front of you taking another bite of your apple. You want to bail and go out for a cigarette but you have to be good to your mother.

"He went to a camp for a little while." You whisper, hating lying to her. She was so broken from your father and Will going to rehab twice would be too much for her to handle. You love your mother but sometimes it's so hard to deal with her.

There's a knock at the door, you turn around confused while your mother side glances but goes back to her photos immediately. Mattie has a key and obviously it's not Will so who could it be? You get up off your chair and open the door. As soon as you see the blonde hair you almost shut it in her face before she sticks a foot in the door.


"Okay, ow!" She says, prying the door away from her foot as best she can. "You can't keep ignoring me, Carm." You roll your eyes and open the door wide, allowing her to stumble slightly. You push her out of the doorframe and shut the door behind you.

"You can't just show up at my house. Actually, I find it disturbing that you even know where my house is." You say with your best snappy angry voice.

"Woah, you're being really rude right now. But that's beside the fact that we need to talk." Before you can slam the damn door on her foot you hear someone walking up behind her.

"Laura, where exactly- oh. Hello, Carmilla. Nice to see you." Lola Perry says from behind Laura and you roll your eyes. She didn't even come alone, she came with friends.

"Lola." You kick Laura's foot from the door and try to slam it once more but now someone from behind you swings it open.

"What the fuck, Mattie?" She leans on the door frame in a manner you've never seen before and gives Lola a look. Lola blushes and looks away while Mattie has a smug look on her face. "What the frilly hell is this?" Laura puts a hand over her mouth and tries not to laugh.

"What are you doing here, Lola?" She says in a sultry, you wish you didn't have to say that about your sister, voice. You and Laura look between them, you weirded out and Laura giggling. Mattie walks outside, shoves Laura in and shuts the door.

"What the fuck?" Laura looks up to you and smiles brightly. God dammit, it's really hard to push her away, she's so fucking cute. GAH, stop it! You go to run up the mahogany stair case when your mother speaks to you.

"Milla, who's your friend?" She doesn't even turn to look at you, her frail hands attempting to fold themselves together.

"This is-"

"Laura Hollis, ma'am." She holds out a hand for your mother to shake and you just grab it and pull her upstairs wanting never to have spoken to her in the first place.

"What do you want?" You say immediately after slamming the door.

"I wanted to see if you were okay-"

"No, I mean with our relationship." You motion between the two of you.

"I-I have a girlfriend, Carm. We were about to kiss, that's wrong."

"You know what's wrong? Lawrence, she's all wrong for you."

"Carmilla, I've known Danny for 3 years. I've known you for less than a week, what makes you think that you know what's best?" She's raising her voice at you and it's infuriating.

"The face you make when you're angry is hilarious, buttercup." You bite out at her.

You don't know how you got this close or how fast but wow, she's right there. She's so pretty, but she's so infuriating. But she's really pretty but- her hand finds the back of your neck and she pulls you into her. You don't know how to react but the electricity that's flowing between the two of you right now jumps you into wrapping your arms around her waist and pulling her closer. You swipe your tongue along her bottom lip and she pushes you off of her. You stumble onto your bed and she's opening the door.

"Laura! Wait!" She may have tiny legs but she sure can run fast. You chase her down the stairs and past your mother who doesn't even blink an eye at you. She throws the door open and stops on the second stair on your stoop.

"Shit." She says as your trying to catch your breath, holding yourself up on your knees. Damn cigarettes, you swear you're going to quit eventually (but you probably won't).

"What? What's wrong?" You ask, wiping your mouth on the back of your black sweater. You then look up and notice that Mattie's car is gone and Lola is nowhere in sight. "Ah." You pull out a cigarette because this situation is far too stressful for you and you grab a lighter from under one of your houseplants.

You couldn't find any of Will's and you knew Mattie would take it from you or you would lose it if you didn't hide it. Mattie's been trying to get you to quit for years. You're lighting the cigarette when she smacks the cigarette out of your hand and into the dirt.

"What the fuck?! That was my last one!" You go to try and grab it but she pushes you into the dirt. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" You get up and wipe the dirt off your sweater and jeans.

"I'm mad at you." She says, folding her arms and pursing her lips. She looks like a petulant child. "I'm also mad at Perry and I want to go home but she was my ride."

"I'll take you." She drops her arms and jaw.

"Carmilla, I just yelled at you and shoved you into a pile of dirt." You laugh and push her towards the car.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You owe me a pack of cigarettes, deal?"

"Deal."