Sausage Party Rip Off

Chapter 2: Tragedy

I squirm to the front of the shelf and sit there. For days, months, and what seemed like years until a fateful day when I see a human walking along my isle. I pray to the lord Jesus that the human puts me in her cart, and my prayers were answered. She did.

I've never been so happy to be chosen. I am finally loved, and wanted. I scream for joy to thank the human but then I realize, humans can't hear us. They will never know our grateful attitude towards them.

I start to get really sad. Out of all things, why am I a food? Why do I have to comply to the food standards and not speak out about my opinions? Oh well, forget it. I'll save that topic for another day where that topic actually matters.

We get to the human's house and I'm set on the counter. I feel at home here, and that I'm accepted by the other foods. I am glad I'm not put in the pantry. The pantry is where the rejected food goes. The humans want to love them but then realize that they aren't worth being loved. Think of it as the island of misfit foods. I'm set on the counter with a fresh tomato, some apples, and a bowl of almonds. This moment is when I witness something that will change my life forever.

The humans walk in my direction. It looks like she's hosting a party of some sort, with loud cheery music and a giant tree hung up in the room with cushions. She reaches her grubby hand towards the almonds and I hear a blood curtling scream. She grabs the almonds and shoves them in her grotesque and saliva filled throat and chomps them down. I AM TRAUMATIZED.

I didn't know humans did that to the food. That's ridiculous! That is not love, that is murder! I've been lied to by my fellow food friends back at safeway and I feel really upset. Humans don't love food, they HATE THEM. They chomp on them and eat them and it's disgusting. I'm going to go back to safeway and tell my fellow food friends the TRUTH. Poor Rosy, Jack, Jose, Jesus, and everyone else that was taken away from the store. They're all probably dead by now because they didn't know the truth about the humans. Disgusting.

Now I try to hide from the humans so I'm not the next victim of this horrible food genocide. All of my species are dying off because of the humans and I don't want to be next. I want to live long enough to tell the story of how I survived the humans.

Unfortunately, It turns out tonight's taco Tuesday and I have the highest percentage of being the next victim. I am at the top of the taco stack, and I'm necessary to make tacos.

The humans reach for me, and I jump. Well I'm not capable of jumping, I just squirm away so that it will be harder for the human to grab me. I try my hardest to get away from the human as fast as possible so I live. I fall over, and the package breaks open and I slide to the edge of the counter. My three siblings Alejandro, Juan, and Alejandra are broken into pieces. They are dead. I put their death beside me for now and focus on running away from the human.

As I squirm away, the human SCREAMS. She sees us move and becomes aware that we're alive. She still wants to eat us and is hungry for food blood. She grabs a knife and I get even more scared. I hop over to the bowl of almonds.

"DON'T!! DON'T!!!" They scream. I apologize. I need to sacrifice them to survive. I launch almonds at the human. Using all of my force, I manage to lodge an almond down the human's throat. The almond screams, and the human chokes on the almond. She falls to the ground, completely still. Her face turns purple as a plum as her male counterpart races towards her. He starts to resuscitate her, and I take the opportunity to run away. 

Three months pass and I am still here. Nobody has come home and all of the fresh foods on the counter with me have gone stale. Maybe I should have just let the inevitable happen. I have nowhere to go, and if i attempt to get off of this counter I'll shatter. 

After 5 months, i'm starting to get sick. I feel really stale. Nobody's been home for five months and I'm starting to get worried.

Today, I was thrown away. I'm the only one that survived out of my whole taco package, but I just want to die. I am suffering. Please kill me.  Now I understand why humans eat food like us, to put us out of our misery 

Hallelujah! The Lord is granting my wish! We are being brought to a garbage processor! I'll finally be at peace.