Fall down, darling

Suicide (chapter one)

Disclaimer: this is in no way making fun of, or trying to hate on mental disorders and or illnesses this may be triggering.

I walked over to the bathroom, I'd just gotten back from my last day at school, and it was December 6th.

  No, I don't go to a weird school that ends in December, I was moving. It hasn't been an easy process, it's taken three deaths and a social worker to get me to leave.

   Now, I know what you're thinking, what is wrong with this person. But it's really not my fault my little brother went a little..... insane. I suppose that that's where this paragraph ends and my story starts.

11/29
   "Yo." I said to my little brother who'd just gotten home from school.
"What's up, Amber?" He asked, not really caring what was up with me, but being polite. "Not much. Are you okay, Zeke?" I asked nicely, trying not to hit a nerve, I knew him very well and I didn't wanna upset him. He got mad really easily.

    "I'm fine, Am." He stated, clearly upset, not wanting to bother him more, I let him be. He pushed his red curly hair out of his face and started walking, very quickly to the door.

   "Where you going there, bud?" I asked, concerned trying to just sound interested. "Why should you care?" He asked, staring back at me with a hatred in his piercing blue eyes.

  "Because I'm your sister and I don't want mom mad at you again, I mean c'mon you haven't even taken your book bag off yet." I said looking at him, hoping he'd cave easily, not throwing a...... fit. He didn't say anything, just took his book bag off his shoulders and turned on his heel.

   "Zeke, don't leave." I said with a warning in my voice, not wanting to deal with a missing child report under my 'care', which is annoying because last time it happened they told me to act my age at first, not realizing that he's 14, weighing at about 170, and  at least a foot taller than me.

I, on the other hand weighed only about 110 and stand at about 5'3, it's not that I'm weak, I'm a gymnast, but Zeke is a wrestler, making things hard. I put my bright blue hair in a bun, thinking about dying it since it's been like this for about a year now, and I waited ten minutes, twenty, and at the thirty minute mark, I called mom.

   "Amber, now is really not the time." She said obviously annoyed.

"Zeke ran away, mom." I said trying not to put a tone in my voice. "I waited a half hour like you told me and he's still not back." For a minute I thought she actually cared but then no she just sighed and said, "Well you know what to do then."   With that she hung up and I was left alone, very annoyed.

  "911, what's your emergency?" The man said.  
"My little brother ran away again." I said annoyed in a monotone voice. I couldn't remember if it was the same guy from last time, but that didn't matter right now.
"How long has he been gone?"

    "Only about a half hour, but he's..... dangerous." Loosing my voice a little bit at the end. Zeke really was a danger to others, he had serious mental issues, I suppose I do too, but they hurt me while his hurt others, he'd do awful things to people. No matter emotional or physical it would always hurt, he only had one friend and even he didn't wanna talk to him.

I went through the motions of telling the police what had happened to him, and since we were in a little town in the middle of Ohio in winter, this was their first call in three weeks. The call before this one, was ours as well. We knew everyone on the force pretty well, considering what Zeke does we see them a lot.

"Hey Amber." One of the older men, who knows my dad said.
"Hey chief," I said quietly "Do they know about what he did two years ago?" I murmured while nodding over to the other two men there, who were fairly new.
"No, and until he becomes violent again, I'd like to keep it that way. You know how word travels in these parts." He said, while I nodded along with his every word, knowing too well about that.

Two years ago on September 17th it was a normal day for everyone but Zeke, he'd had mental issues for awhile, being born three months early and already having a brain defect, he was a little shaky that day and before I went to school he said to me he didn't want to and he was sorry. I was confused, but with him he said weird things a lot.

So I went on with my day, not a care in the world, not a cloud in the sky. But then I got called down to the office.

I went obviously and I was somewhat confused, considering I was a pretty good student.
"What happened?" I said looking around frantically, feeling an anxiety attack coming on. "Am I in trouble, did I do something wrong?"
"No, Amber," the principal said as a police man ran in.
"What happened?" I said shaking profusely and breathing quickly.
"Your brother, Zeke, he.... well he uh tried to....... kill your mother." He really rushed the last part
"I'm sorry, he what?" I asked, wanting to cry.
"Zeke tried to kill your mother, he's gonna be detained for a long time, but if he shows improvement, we can let him out sooner." He said with sadness in his voice. "you're gonna go home now."
"I don't have a ride." I said looking down, still shaking.
"Walk then." A police man said. I looked up at him with disgust and I realized he was kidding.
"Oh." Was all I could mange to breath out with an unstable laughter.
He took me home and when I got to my room I wanted to scream, but since police men were there, I didn't want to alarm them, so I had an anxiety attack with a lot of crying to over compensate.

  I laid there in my room replaying those moments wanting to slip into depression, but just as I was going to, my phone started to ring. And I would've let it go, but they called me twelve times.
"What do you want?" I said quietly
"A hello would've been nice," my best friend, Luke  said.
"Could you not right now?"
"I heard what happened. I'm coming over now."
"You don't have to its-" I was cut off because of the fact he'd hung up. About thirty seconds later he barged in my room.
"Hey, Bambi!" He said whilst smirking
"I hate you so much right now." I said.
"I'm really sure you do." He said pretending to be hurt. "But, being as nice as I am, I got you a present."
"What?" I said in a monotone voice, my eyes focused on my dresser.
"I'm over here, dude, you seriously need to work on your attention skills" Luke said tutting.
"What is it?"
"This." He said throwing about six cardboard boxes at me.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL-" I started.
"Oh thanks, Luke."
It was hair dye. He got me red, so I could dye my hair. And then other colors for later.  I was originally gonna do half and half, but then decided against it. Luke and I got to talking and it made me think about other things and that night was really fun actually. Luke stayed the night and everything was perfect for one amazing moment. But like everything in life, there needs to be a balance, so that moment had to end. Like had gone home and I was left alone. They ended up finding Zeke and everything was semi-fine.

   Luke had called me this time, because he heard what happened. Everyone did. He stayed the night with me because my parents weren't home, and it wasn't like he'd ever do anything so it was okay. We fell asleep talking about how we wanted out of it. Smalltown Ohio, the cliques in school, and the superficial face people put up to seem better than they really are. And honestly I thought everything was gonna be fine. I really, really did.
    The next morning I woke up to my phone ringing and I answered it. What I heard on the other end of the line made me wanna cry. I did cry. I hung up and dropped my phone nearly cracking it in the process.  Luke asked me was wrong, but I didn't actually hear him. I was gone. I was only a fragment of myself that I'd been hiding all my life. I was scared to let it out, but it had started a rebellion, and I was stuck functioning on pure sadness and anger. At that moment I was falling
I was
            F
                A
                     L
                         L
                             I
                                N
                                    G
           But this time, I wasn't getting up

A/N THIS IS IN NO WAY MAKING FUN OF DISABLED PEOPLE ITS JUST A PLOT TO THE STORY IM SORRY IF IVE UPSET YOU IN ANY WAY
also this is another book I've just started today, I'll try to have another chapter in the next week if you care at all.
THE PLOT DOES GET SUPER CLIMATIC IN THE NEXT CHAPTER AND MAY BE TRIGGERING.