"Mother?" I tap my foot obnoxiously on my wooden chair, frustrated and irritated that I couldn't reach the fake wooded floor yet. I was too young, as mother put it. Personally I didn't think that being seven was too young, just right, to me.
"Yes?" She tilts her head up to reach my eyes and directs her attention away from her knitting. Her brown hair flips back behind her neck and her silver necklace vibrates on her throat when she speaks. I gaze at her for a few more seconds and her green forest eyes flicker to herself in a self conscious manor, trying to figure out what I was staring at.
I smile at her, "What are you doing, Mother?" I ask and she flutters her eyes back to her nearly finished knitted quilt then flicks her confused gaze at me.
"Darling, you can see what I am doing." She replies and I slip down from my seat and onto the cold floor of our small living room.
"So?" I sigh and tap my foot once more before mother shushes me with her finger,
"What?" She asks and keeps her eyes on the knitting.
"I feel sad." I reply and look to the floor. She smiles at me in a goofy fashion and I break into a big grin at her funny expression.
"Happy now?" She asks and I nod vigorously, she hands the finished quilt to me and I smile at her.
"Good. Treasure the happy moments." She says and examines the quilt from a few steps back and smiles then mutters under her breath, "I did a good job."
"Why treasure them?" I ask curiously and she sighs.
"Because." She states and grabs the quilt from me and walks out the room to my room to place the quilt
"Oh." I sigh slightly and trot out the room after her making my pretty grey dress flutter when I go up the steep stairs to my room.
*(+=-_-=+)*
"Good?" She asks when the fabric smoothly hits my skin in bed. I nod and her sleepily and a betrayal yawn slips out of my small seven year old lips before I shut my eyes tight and my mother kisses my forehead and softly walks out the room. I fall into a deep sleep and dream of nothing.
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"Mother?" I shout in a panicked voice, "Mom... MOM! Wake up... please?" I beg and slip onto my knees. I knew she was gone. She had told me her time was nearly up. She left a note on her chest, I couldn't read it though. Next to her lay a spilled open bottle of pills and a few empty bottles of alcohol.
I scream into her chest and I felt a small river developing under my eyes. I scream again and clutch her top trying to wake her up, even though, I knew, that wouldn't work. "PLEASE! MOTHER!" I shout helplessly and small blotches of salty tears drip out onto her silky top. Soon her top is drenched in my tears. I clutch my hair and scream in an exasperated pain.
She was gone.
My own mother had left me.
Just like my father.
I wonder why?
Was I that needy? Bad? Horrible? Impolite? Rude? Ugly? Fat?
Maybe I should just join them, in the land of death, where things were still, and calm, and serene. Where I didn't care, and neither did they.
Maybe.
Maybe one day.
But not today.
I let another loud screech slip out and and I ripped my hair trying to block out that sad empty feeling in my heart. Another wave of pain came through my heart and my tears streamed down in a steady flow. I took in a deep breath. And another. I stopped crying and grabbed my mothers wet top in an attempt to dry my eyes. It made them moist so I sighed and clutched my mothers stone cold hand then left her side to grab a roll of toilet paper to wipe my eyes. I heaved my heavy body up and wiped my tears away.
Be a strong girl. My mother had said when she announced her time was nearly up. I had merely nodded. She would be one too, She had said.
