Mil SO (Military Significant Other)

37. Stay

Kieran fell asleep soon after I started rocking him. Heath stood and paced. Now that he pointed it out, I saw the slight limp. It was subtle, but it was there.

"How are we supposed to just pick up where we left off after everything?" he asked quietly. I sighed and gently moved a stand of Kieran's hair out of his face.

"I don't know, Heath. How did we ever get to where we were?" I asked. "We don't have to try, it just happens. We have a son for crying out loud," I said with tears in my eyes.

"And what about Nash. You're going to hurt him. He's been pining for you just about as long as I have. You were going to marry him," Heath said. I sighed and looked at my sleeping baby boy.

"Nash kept me from hurting him, and myself during my episodes. He kept Kieran from seeing me. He... he was the blocker between Kieran and what was going on with me," I explained. "My point is: you're back, and now that you are, I don't want to lose you again," I said softly. He sighed before he sat next to me and just looked at Kieran lovingly.

"This isn't fair to him," Heath tried again.

"Heath, if you leave us again, I really won't be able to take it this time," I said softly as I felt more tears leak from my eyes. In the silence, I heard the door open. Nash walked into the living room with his hands firmly planted in his pockets.

"You're still here," he said to Heath. Heath stood with a sigh.

"I was trying to convince Iris to let me go," Heath explained. Nash watched him curiously before he looked at me. I averted my eyes as I suddenly felt guilty. Nash sighed as he ruffled his hair awkwardly.

"If that happens, you really won't see her again. I've barely kept her alive these last few years. She needs you and you need your family. Whether you realize that yet or not," Nash finally spoke. I was so caught off guard that my eyes snapped to him immediately.

"I'll put him to bed. I'll be back," Nash said as he plucked Kieran from my lap and took him upstairs. Heath sat next to me but left space between us as we waited. When Nash came back, he sighed before he sat in the recliner.

"Look, I had some time to think about it and I was wrong. Iris was never mine to begin with. It was all wishful thinking on my part. Everything I've done for her has been because of you. I would hide her panic attacks from Kieran because of you. I would wake her from the nightmares she had because of you. I would keep her from walking into traffic because of you. I tried to convince her to go to therapy for the panic attacks she would have because of you. I looked after the child she had because of you. None of that was mine. None of that should've been a green light to propose to Iris. I was being greedy, and I'll admit that. Because I loved her before, I wanted her to love me now. And I think she did, but not as a lover, a boyfriend or husband. I think she loved me like a guardian. So don't factor me into your decisions. I understand and I'll be okay, but Iris won't be. If I'm not the cause and you still want to leave her, you're a piece of shit," Nash said. I could only stare at him in shock. Everything he said was true, but even I didn't realize it.

"Nash," I breathed. He sighed and put his hands on his knees before he stood.

"That's all I wanted to say. Everything else, you two need to discuss. Goodnight," he said before he went upstairs. Heath and I were left staring at each other in the living room.

"Is it that you don't want me anymore?" I asked timidly. Heath sat next to me and placed his hands over mine.

"That's not it at all, Iris," he assured me. I sighed as I looked at our hands.

"If that's the case, then the rest we can figure out slowly," I sighed. He brought the back of my hand up and kissed it gently.

"You know I love you, right?" He said softly. My heart fluttered comfortably. It didn't feel like it was about to explode for the first time in a very long time. I nodded quietly as a lingering tension filled the air. Slowly, Heath touched my cheek as he leaned in closer to me until his lips caressed my own lips gently in a kiss. The simple gesture damn near made me fall to pieces. I gripped his forearm tightly, scared that I might wake up later to find this was all a dream. I didn't want Heath to disappear again.

Never again.

I had no idea what my Uncle had planned for the rest of Heath's contract, but I didn't like the fact that he was still in the service. I mean, I knew what I was getting into when he signed up, but actually experiencing it, it really made my head hurt. Heath pulled away to dry my tears with his thumbs as he held my cheeks.

"Come to Pendleton with me. You and Kieran," Heath said softly.

"Why there?" I asked confused. He sighed and wiped another tear that trailed my cheek.

"That's where I have to finish the rest of the year. Your uncle is watching over me there. He reserved a house on base, and it's just waiting for me after my leave is up. I want us to finally get married and be a real family," he explained. Any future with Heath sounded perfect. It didn't matter where we were. I smiled lightly as I nodded.

"I would follow you anywhere, Heath."