Mil SO (Military Significant Other)

36. No Goodbyes

"I want to pick up where we left off," I said, surprising myself. Kieran finished eating and crawled over into my lap. He stuck his finger in his mouth and rested his head on my chest.

"You did a good job with him. You and Nash, that is," Heath said.  I kissed Kieran's head and smiled gently.

"You know, he's so much like you that it hurt sometimes. Every time I would look at him and all I saw was you," I said. He sighed and stood, taking all the plates to the sink. He came back and kissed my head gently.

"I love you, Izzy. I always will," he said. He bent so he was eye-level with Kieran. "Can I take you to bed, buddy?" Heath asked him. Kieran held his arms out for Heath. I smiled as Heath picked him up and took him upstairs with Kieran resting his head on Heath's shoulder the whole way. After Heath put Kieran to bed, we sat on the couch to talk. I sighed and curled my feet under me.

"So what's the plan now?" I asked him. He sighed and pulled me closer to him.

"Now... I need to talk to Nash," he said. I looked at him curiously.

"Why?"

"Because he was my best friend before I left and he's in love with you, so there's a bit of a conflict of interest. Like it or not, we're going to have to talk about this eventually," he said. I shook my head.

"Why do you want to even offer the possibility of a screaming match? You know how Nash is. He's a... passionate fighter and I don't want you two fighting. I don't want to see either of you getting hurt," I said. He touched my cheek gently.

"It might be messy but it needs to happen. It's the only way any of us can move on with whatever happens. It sucks but it has to happen. Plus, I doubt he can hurt me worse than I already have been," he said. I sighed and played with his hand gently.

"I've missed you so much," I said softly. He nodded.

"I thought about you and Kieran everyday," he said just as softly. "I love you." I smiled and kissed his hand.

"I love you too," I said with a small smile. Heath sighed and looed at his pants in deliberation.

"I have to show you something," Heath said softly. I held his hand and looked at him confused. He puled his pant leg up slightly and I gasped.

"Oh Heath," I whispered. There under his pant leg was a prosthetic leg. "Heath what happened?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I told you, Iris... a lot happened. It was an IED. I got the least of the blow," Heath said. I pulled Heath into a hug.

"You should have told me, I've just been letting Kieran jump all over you," I said guiltily. He pulled away and made me look at him.

"It's okay, Iris. It's not as bad as it looks. Some of the things I saw... Let's just say it could have been worse," he said. I sighed and shook my head.

"How did they not discharge you?" I asked. "Medical separation would have been the first thing they did," I said confused. Heath shrugged.

"I'm a war hero in their eyes. Your uncle convinced them to let me finish out my enlistment as a recruiter. That way I'm not leaving," he explained. I sighed and shook my head.

"So, do you have PTSD?" I asked, getting straight to the point. Heath shook his head.

"I don't. You think I would but they watched me for months in D.C. and... nothing," he shrugged.

"I really am happy that you're not dead. I think a part of me always hoped, but... I just took that as me being in denial," I explained.

"So what now," I asked with a sigh.

"Now you go on knowing I'm alive and I love you, but that's as far as it can go. I don't want to put you through anymore pain than you've already been in because of me," he said. I shook my head.

"I can't accept that. I love you and now we can finally be together like a real family... like we were supposed to be from the start. Nash has been a huge help, but you're my soulmate, Heath," I said.

"Nash-"

"I don't care, Heath! God! Get it through your thick skull: I love you and you're staying," I said stubbornly as I shot up and tears stung my eyes. I was angry with him for trying to leave me again. If he did that, I wouldn't be able to take it. Heath sighed and grabbed my hand to pull me to sit next to him. Gently, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and let his hand linger on my cheek.

"You and Kieran are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love both of you, but I was gone too long. You thought I was dead," he said as if I needed a reminder. My tears finally trailed down my cheeks as I looked down at my lap. "You moved on, and it hurt at first, but I understand," he said. I shook my head and squeezed his hand that was in mine.

"Stop, Heath... just stop," I said before I let go and stood to pace.

"Mommy?" Kieran said sleepily from the bottom of the staircase. I gave a breath and wiped my face before I went to him.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked as I picked him up. He yawned and rested his head on my shoulder.

"There was yelling," he said. I took him to the couch and sat with him in my lap as I glanced Heath. He had his head in his hands and his elbows rested on his knees.

"Kieran, it's okay. Mommy was just getting upset," I said softly as I kissed his head. Kieran only rested his head on my chest as he slouched tiredly.

"Why?" Kieran asked. My eyes went to Heath who still wasn't looking at me. I could have lied to him and said it was nothing, but I didn't. "You're daddy wants to leave mommy to handle everything by herself again," I said quietly. Heath's eyes shot to mine in shock. They were watery, too.

"That's not fair, Iris," he said defeatedly. I shrugged.

"Neither was going four years without you and thinking you were dead," I replied sharply. Kieran's arms went around my neck as he attempted to comfort me. I sniffled and tried to keep my fresh teas at bay. I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. "You leaving won't do me any favors, Heath," I said softer. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.