With love, Alice x

Letter Twenty Three

Dear Elsie,

I haven't been coping well since writing that letter, but because you have been so kind, I should let you know the rest of the story.

We held a funeral. All three of them together, Alfie only two years old taken from me just like that. Finley only just turned seven taken from me. The love of my life, the person I have known for years and years the one I wanted to spend my life with and grow old with taken from me just like that.

Audrey came to the funeral for me, she stayed by my side the whole day and shared the same bed that night. She didn't want to leave me.

I was tired. My father spoke to Audrey, and within a few days I was packing to stay in New York for a few days. I hadn't heard from Annie for a while. My father had spoken to her and I was to stay with her and Stanley for a while.

Annie did have a child, but it died during birth. My father thought it would be best if Annie and I were to stay together for a little while and look after each other.

My father was living with Jacks family.

I spent a few empty lonely days in New York, in Manhattan. I think if the circumstances were different I would have enjoyed it. It was a crazy city but I just don't think I could enjoy it without my family.

Audrey took me to my sister. I said my goodbyes to her. I was greeted by my sister and Stanley and I was shown to a small room.

Annie and Stanley didn't have the life I thought they lived. It wasn't glamorous or relaxed. Stanley was at work most days and he drank a lot during the nights. Whilst playing card games with his friends. Annie, despite living in a warm sunny place, was pale and covered in bruises, when I asked how she got them she told me it was no big deal that she had fell. She was thin too. Stanley, was not the handsome model like person that I first saw when Annie introduced us. He was lazier, louder and slightly larger. My Jack was perfection compared to him.

Annie and Stanley weren't happy the way I was with Jack. Jack loved me just the way I loved him.

Annie loved Stanley I could see that, she never cared for much, but she cared for Stanley. Stanley however, didn't even look at Annie anymore. She was nothing to him.

I got angry to myself thinking how Annie has let herself live a life without love without being in it the way I did.

The first few nights I cried because of Jack and because of my two beautiful boys who were taken from me so quickly, the fourth night I cried because of my sister, because I wanted her to have a life like I have had. Not this miserable life because for ten years I was so extremely happy that even losing them all doesn't compare to what Annie has to go through.

So Elsie as you can see, my whole life was turned upside down from the minute that automobile collided with ours.

My hands hurt, you think after you write so much so often you would get used to it.

With love, Alice X